


Light as a Feather

by one_step_closer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Love/Hate, M/M, Mild Gore, Supernatural Elements, semi-crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-03 14:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_step_closer/pseuds/one_step_closer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Kankri ever wanted was for Karkat to get along with him. All Karkat ever wanted was for Kankri to leave him alone. All they both ever wanted was freedom from themselves. </p><p>A small argument turns into a big catastrophe. Karkat and Kankri find themselves lost in more than each others words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> ((A/N: This fiction is purely a role play. It started out as a casual text/chat conversation (as you can see), and it quickly escalated to an on-going story. Needless to say, it therefore reads like a role play--thus turn based between the two characters. 
> 
> It is also not proof read or beta'd...which is considered unwise to upload a work without being edited, but we (the writers) never had intentions of this being public when we first started 4/5 months ago. 
> 
> However, due to that we were/are role playing through tumblr, other people had stumbled upon it, and have asked for it to be hosted somewhere for them to read it all.))

"OH GREAT … HE’S FUCKING FOLLOWING ME NOW …WAITING FOR THE VERBAL EXCREMENT TO START IN THREE … TWO … ONE …"

"Oh, Hell9 there Karkat. It’s a pleasant surprise t9 see y9u again. Where y9u talking to s9me9ne just n9w? I h9pe I haven’t interfered.

I was begining t9 w9nder where y9u had run 9ff, n9t that I was much c9ncerned. Let me add in that 6y that I mean that I trust y9u and y9ur capa6ilites t9 l99k after y9urself. Perhaps, that’s what we have in c9mmon. Hm, I have t9 mark 9ut th9ugh that y9u’ve 6een mingling ar9und in a quite surreptiti9us way. H9wever, I d9n’t take any significance with this private matter 9f y9urs, h9pe t9 fine everything is well. I ap9l9gize if I’ve 9ffended y9u in any way by invading y9ur pers9nal space, and let me p9int 9ut that it clearly wasn’t my intention—Trigger warning 9n that.

H9w have y9u been, Karkat?"

"DON’T CARE, DON’T CARE, DON’T CARE DON’T, CARE DON’T CARE!

YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN TO INQUIRING HOW I AM BEFORE THAT EXPOSITION, WHERE REALLY…

ALL I HEARD WAS 'ME ME ME ME'.

I MAY HAVE BEEN STUCK THE FIRST FEW TIMES YOU RAN YOUR STUPID MOUTH, BUT NOW I’VE FIGURED IT OUT, ALL YOU’RE DOING IS SELF INDULGING UNDER THE DISGUISE THAT YOU ARE BEING CARING AND INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON.

IT WAS WHY YOU ENDED UP ASKING ME HOW I AM AFTER ALL THOSE OTHER WORDS.

BUT HERE’S AN ANSWER FOR YOU:

I’M WITHOUT YOU.

CHECK IT."

Kankri twitches, not even bothering to hide his annoyance since he’s pretty much use to having Karkat behave like a douche. "I was stating my reas9n’s t9 greet y9u first, and I d9n’t understand why y9u’re s9 readily 9ffended. I had simply implied t9 ask if y9u were alright 6ut it seems y9u dislike that." He folds his arms, eyebrow arched, "Ab9ut y9ur rude c9mment a69ut me ‘indulging t9 seem nice’, I find 9ffensive! Y9u really need t9 keep y9ur anger under c9ntr9l, check that.

“Oh my gooood! Shut up!” Karkat growled as he dug his fingers into his hair out of frustration, “I WASN’T offended, I was stating the TRUTH, I am so fucking sorry if the truth isn’t what you want it to be.”

He too folded his arms, without realizing he was doing the same action as Kankri, “And guess what! I don’t give two hoofbeast shits if I offended you, in fact, I’ll do it again! Here it goes! You are a bugwinged cartilage nub, who has a worse egotistical disease than Dave fucking Strider! The fact that I share the same low-grade-worthless blood as you, makes me feel like I would rater be sucking the shit of a diaperstub from a retarded grub—something that you are NO better than, you LIMP FRONDED STOOGE!” He tomped his foot down, “And one more thing, I’ll keep my apparent anger in check, when you check yourself out of my fucking sight!”

His eyes blink, puzzled by the other. ”If you weren’t offended, then I’d appreciate it if you’d quit squalling at my face. That’s highly disrespectful and offensive to me, and what I don’t understand is why you have so much aversion towards me.” Vexed when the other starts to openly curse at him, he heaves a suspire and turns his gaze elsewhere so he wouldn’t have to see the black-haired troll’s face appearing to look somewhat like an angry Medusa, “Atleast, Dave ‘fucking’ Strider knows how to control his temper rather than snapping.” He feels slightly outraged by the fact that Karkat and him are the only -related- trolls who don’t get along. “Mind you, I refuse to get out of your sight. Let me tell you something about respect.”

Maybe if he was one to smile, that’s what Karkat would be doing right now by the way he could see that what he was saying was really doing the job to rattle Kankri. Even though it was subtle, he could tell he really was riling him up by the other’s body’s movements. It wasn’t just his stupid words of ‘blah blah blah I’m offended.’ No, Karkat wanted to /see/ it. “Well your _Majesty_ , which I assure you—you would NEVER be, nor do you deserve to be, due to your mutant blood color,” Karkat didn’t exactly believe what he was saying, but he was purely speaking anything that he knew would get to his ancestor more, “just like how I don’t care about your stupid ass speeches, I don’t care about what you want. So you want me to stop ‘squalling’, then it isn’t going to fucking happen! Maybe YOU need to know what it feels like to have a lingering sickness slug latch onto you and not let go.”

Karkat even stepped closer then, going against his own desire to keep people out of his personal space, “So go on, tell me about respect, you grubfucker—” Damn, it was feeling good to lash out at Kankri like this.

Kankri keeps silent and allows the other to continue bawl, keeping his expression at appease even though he was furious inside. “You aren’t exactly making sense, and neither are you answering the question I’ve been asking you.” He twitches when he’s literally abused by words, and he calls his fist when his proper monologues are as much as said to be something futile. “I’ve never asked someone with such low self esteem and weak tolerance to care for me. However, speaking up to my face doesn’t change the fact that we’re related and even if you’re a fiasco at understanding that, I’ll continue being patient with you. Pardon me, but arn’t you the sick slug? Going around tossing asusmptions that everyone is ‘stupid’, and raging out your anger at me without a good reason—-That’s pathetic and pitiable. By this ignominy of a bad attitude, you’ve got quite a vitiated reputation. Everyone has their opinions, and I’ll shove it in your face that you ought to start respecting them.” He furrows his eyebrows, revealing some of the anger, but throughout his time of talking, he had remained surprisingly placid. “Oh, and if you’re anticipating to think that this will have me rage out my fury on you, then no. You’re wrong, because unlike you, I know what tolerance is and I can endure someone’s reckless behavior.” He thinks back at all that he’s said, hoping that it punches some helpful meaning through Karkat’s thick skull, but horrifyingly, he finds himself feeling guilty for using a bunch of negative things that will evidently offend Karkat. His face gives it away momentarily before he quickly recovers to his previous, slightly irritated, expression.

Karkat listened to what Kankri had to say, or at least he tried his hardest to. Normally his words just sort of all blended together, and they ended up not sounding like anything but syllables. Now Karkat actually wanted to hear some things though, just because he had decided to make ‘triggering’ Kankri to the edge his personal goal.

“Hah hahaha! Have you actually ever listened to yourself!? No, I mean like, record yourself and then play it back?” He shook his head, actually grinning a bit even, “What am I talking about? Of course you have! It’s probably the only way you can get off, am I right? I mean, who the fuck gets off to their own voice?” He tried to throw the idea of shaming in there. “Not only that, and as much as I want to vomit for saying this, most likely on you, but you are actually doing the same thing I am, but without the verbal anger! You’re just running your mouth about what you believe to be true, but you actually keep your acrimony bottled up.” He paused just to give him a mocking laugh once more, “Oh man, I can’t wait to see the day that YOU actually can’t tolerate holding it in anymore. I bet you’ll end up slaughtering more of us than any high-blood ever did!”

He then lifted his middle finger and held it just centimeters away from right in front of Kankri’s face, “Because guess what fuckpod, you’re not perfect!” He would keep his finger and hand in place, just waiting to see how he would react to it. Would he seriously just continue to stand there? Karkat wondered…

Kankri listened carefully for everything the other troll had to say, ofcourse most of it being undeserved hate. Throughout the time, he held himself back from protesting, insulting or raising a point, being patient enough to let the other finish speaking before he can let his own mouth loose. The middle finger makes his tighten his fist even more than before, a whole heavy fog of anger burning clear inside him—But then he’d just be stooping Karkat’s level. Is he that kind of person? Maybe. But does he want to be that kind of person? No. He takes in a breath, slowly letting it out with a phlegmatic expression to cover his face.

“You should do that too. I mean, record yourself and then listen to it. I’m pretty sure your ears won’t last long. And please, I’m not here to try an offend anyone, but here to educate them with things that will be helpful to them. Let me point out that we both talk alot, and we both talk about different things. And if it makes you vomit for saying it, then kindly don’t say it. On the other hand, what’s wrong with me wanting to say what I believe to be is true, Karkat? Don’t you say the same? But in negative language ofcourse. You tend to insult people all the time, and that’s something many, including me, find annoying and fatuous.”  Twitches at the others last remark and even the slightest hint of a grin on the other’s face, lowering his own gaze a little with his eyebrows furrowed. He feels angry, since aren’t going the way he expected them to. And overall, this isn’t the type of usual argument he get’s into with Karkat. It bothers him, creating an uneasy and awkward wall around him. “I’ve never said that I’m perfect. Friendly reminder; you aren’t either. But I’m not sure if you would even think of being such an utter absolute behind that slow self-esteem that only I know of.”

Feeling guitly, Kankri? No! Maybe. But why? He fights with himself, making an attempt to turn around for sake of not revealing his anxiety and keeping his dignity.

There really wasn’t a way that Karkat was going to get a word in when Kankri took his “turn” to start talking. The only thing that he could do was make comments under his breath if he wasn’t just going to completely tune him out. And, most likely by now, he would have already if he wasn’t remaining steadfast on ‘saluting’ his ancestor. “Yeah, but I don’t need to hear myself in order to get off.”

Then the last line hit him. Karkat narrowed his eyes and finally lowered his arm back at his side. “You fuckface….and I don’t NEED a reminder like you do on the subject, because I know more than anyone that I’m a piece of shit. You may not say you’re perfect, but it’s clear you think you are. If you accepted that you are also a piece of shit, then you wouldn’t feel the need to go around trying to change everyone into people who YOU want them to be.”

God, this conversation was so much like how he would argue with his past and future selves before…”Also, everyone finds that—” Karkat stopped his words and blinked as he felt some wet droplets, He looked up at the sky as it started to rain. “Is that suppose to do that here…?”

Kankri felt a bit smug at the moment when the other couldn’t seem to break a gab when he started talking, in attempt to protest against his words and flip things out. Arching up an eyebrow, he tilts his head to the side with a slight frown, his expression a mere puzzle at Karkat’s words. “You clearly haven’t heard yourself squall yet, that would explain.”

He heaves a sigh, firing away his attempt to turn away from the other troll. It was teasing, irritating, and uncomfortable—He couldn’t leave the spot whilst knowing someone is thinking wrong about him, and he definitely will refuse to leave until he’s corrected that someone and stomped his foot hard down on the ground. “I’m not one to think of perfection, and check my intentions to be an absolute zero if you think I’m wanting to sound sanctimonious.” His lips form a straight line, eyes closed as he folds his arms. “Oh please, don’t bother heading into that depressive side of yours. It’s nothing but pitiable, and that’s not how I expect to see you. You should fret less and think more, it’s good for you. To think, I mean. But apparently you can’t stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong, that’s what I see, and I find that to be rather idiotic. If you continue that way, Karkat I can assure you people will just step on you. You should think better of yourself to be able to lead your friends, most importantly yourself, and you aren’t a piece of shit—I mean, well, uhm…” He opens his eyes and takes a slow step back, thinking he’s revealing to much concern for the other troll. Wanting to seem like he never said that, and ofcourse to be more confident in a way, he folds his arms and gives a judgemental look towards Karkat. Kankri knows that he himself is sympathetic when it comes to people he knows are important to him just like Karkat, but—-

“Hm?” For a minute he had confused the droplet for a tear, perking back before he realized it dropped from above. “Well, I hadn’t expected that and neither am I sure. I suppose it’s raining, a time where water develops into the clouds and releases down on the world with a form of a droplet, quite an interesting cycle behind it. What about it?”

Karkat continued to stare up into the sky, the rain fall getting heavier by the moment. It was also getting to that point where Kankri’s words were starting to blend into background noise. However, the last thing that he said didn’t escape him since it was just so inane. This caused for Karkat to instantly snap his look back at him, “I know what rain is, you fucking shitmouth!” He let out an actual groan and swept his wet bangs aside, “What I mean, is it suppose to rain here, in this world, where you’re all ghosting around and in your own little sphere! It just…seems out of place. Or is it just me…you know, thinking that…since I supposedly don’t think.” He stepped past the other then, making sure to brush against Kankri’s shoulder—hard. “If you actually did know anything…” He glared over, his voice rather low and bitter sounding, “All my torment and irritation comes from over-thinking. Idiot.”

The rain and wind picked up still, now causing lightening and a loud crack of thunder. “Well I’m going to find some fucking shelter. I’m already soaked in your shit and piss, I don’t need rain to do it too.”

Kankri couldn’t help but scoff, whilst rolling his eyes at the other black clothed troll. He mummbled something under his breath before stepping clear to the side when their shoulder’s brushed together, and he could tell it was on purpose.

“Mind explaining why you overthink? That’s if you care enough to tell, and if you can do it without exploding—-“

Vexed, he rolls his eyes and tags along. Kankri expects that the other troll might start complaining about him following the other, but he decides to have his ears open to the plattering sounds of the rain drops with his gaze fixated elsewhere. He’s still holding himself back from talking more, knowing it won’t bring any good to this situation, but there are so many things he’s almost desperate to point out—Zip. He’ll refuse to say anything now, but ask a simple question that’s been triggering him for quite a while now.

“Don’t you get tired of hating yourself, Karkat?”

It was starting to storm rather rapidly now, the wind blowing and causing for the rain to almost sting. He grunted as it was imminent enough that he find some shelter, because the rain was really starting to make his sweater feel so uncomfortable…and hearing Kankri’s question didn’t help his pressing mood. ‘Great…he’s following me’, Kankri was right about knowing of Karkat’s dismay due to being trailed behind.

He let out a breath as that question about over thinking. He didn’t verbally answer it, but his mind raced. It wasn’t like something he could help. It happened naturally against his wishes. It was all part of the ‘curse’. It was like a little bonus pack, so to say. It was what happened when someone really had too much of a high IQ. It was what happened when someone was forced to be on the outside looking in.

Then there was finally some sign of shelter! It was an old temple ruin. It would prove enough covering for now though. Karkat went to it, exhaling as the weather finally stopped assulting him…Kankri on the other hand?

He slid down against the stone wall, sitting on the ground. “…What do you think, fucknuts.” He mumbled then in response to being asked about hating himself, his eyes shifting around their surroundings a bit cautiously. He wondered if it was just him who was feeling like something was definitely off…the weather, this place he had found…Then again, Kankri was probably too busy pailing himself in his head to notice anything but himself.

Kankri, from the moment he had asked the question, didn’t even bother to have his ears open for a reply because he’d expected the other male would obviously ignore him. To distract himself, he listened to the patterning noises of the rain, but something wasn’t right, was it? The timing of the rain wasn’t dripping down in it’s usual rhythmatic dance. He was so occupied by dedicating his focus to the raindrops that he twitched when Karkat slid down. Kankri had not noticed that both of them had already entered a shelter to protect them from the stinging rain.

“Huh? Did you say something?” His eyes blink with a light shimmer in them. Tugging onto the tips of his sleeves, he shakes his head to allow the raindrops to freely discharge from his hair and go flying in different directions before he leans against the wall right next to Karkat. He didn’t quite hear what the other troll had replied to him, but he still managed to make out some words to be able to answer in return. “I don’t know why you hate yourself, but I don’t think you should.” He slides down, curling up to wrap his arms around his knees, sinking his head low into the collar of his sweater.

“By the way, have you noticed something weird about the rain today? It’s not condenced.”

What a huge irony hit at that moment when Kankri asked if he said something. It was a strawberry hit, where the irony was so full of strawberries, that it would become a smoothie when it actually hit. Karkat could only give a glare to the side at him. He wouldn’t dare repeat what he had said, because he felt like if he even muttered a single word, then that risked the chance of Kankri going off into a ten-thousand word speech in response.

“Fuck- come on, man—” He growled and leaned to the side then as some droplets of water fell on him from his other half shaking himself dry like some sort of pawbeast. Then he went down next to him, and Karkat sighed. The hopeless breath was partly due to the fact that he would be trapped here with Kankri until the storm blew over, lest he wanted to risk weather injury, and the other reason was from the factor of his self-hatred not being dropped. ”Of course you don’t think that, because you’re a —” He stopped his words, not wanting to ‘trigger’ Kankri into yet another speech so that he didn’t have to listen to it.

So Karkat just took another breath as he stared out into the storm happening. “Yeah…yeah, I noticed. I’m quite surprised you did too. Does it offend you or something?” He gave subtle mock...well, maybe not so subtle. “Do you know what this is about?” Karkat shifted himself a bit, and pointed to the wall they sat against. There were random markings embedded with it and even on the floor. They were light, yet clearly drawn there. They almost looked like letters, but they were not Alternian or even English. It was some sort of language Karkat had not seen before, so he wondered if Kankri could knew it. He was on his plain after all.

Kankri squints hard when he feels the droplet’s attack his face, using his sleeve to wipe them off. He frowns when Karkat suddenly cuts off, obviously knowing what he was going to say. It seems Karkat still doesn’t understand that he’s the the person that can trigger Kankri without offending him, because he’s already very use to Karkat’s behavior and overall bearing.

”Stop, don’t do that. It annoys me.” His expression stiffens, eyebrows furrowing while he let’s out a low growl. “You trigger me more when you coward out and don’t complete the sentence which you initially intended on saying. Hm? What am I? Bastard? Fucker? Go on Karkat, I’m use to your useless sayings.” Tries to keep his voice under tone, but it breaks a little at the end. He turns his almost stolid face away from Karkat’s direction, hiding his face inside the sweater.

“You’re being ridiculous, why would it offend me—” You can hear his muffled voice, though he refuses to show his face and continues enjoying the warmth of his sweater. When the other troll invites in a question, he stays still. After curiosity wins war against him, Kankri perks his head up, unwrapping his hands away from his legs, shifting his body and turning his head whilst quickly examining the wall with his ghost like eyes. There were still a few droplets of water hanging on his loose bangs, and they dripped down on his hands to invade a darker shade.

“It’s Latin. Supernatural symbols, I think. I’m not quite sure—But it might be the reason why this place is so strange.” He turns back to his previous position, letting out a sneeze before groaning. “It also gives me a feeling this place isn’t exactly safe.”

Idly Karkat’s fingers still brushed over the letters, but his eyes had drifted off elsewhere, looking out at nothing in particular. He was just trying to block Kankri out…though failing at the moment. He just sort of let go of a short grunt and a roll of the eyes at what he heard about how he had ‘triggered’ him again. What the fuck didn’t trigger Kankri? He was going to let go of some sort of snide comment about how he didn’t need to finish his sentence, because he had did it for him just now with coming up with all those adjectives himself, which would then lead into a statement about intelligence, and then something about how Kankri only wanted everything spelled out to him since he was that starved for attention and—….and Karkat kept his mouth shut about all of this.

It was quickly erased as the domineering thought due to the /way/ he had heard Kankri speak by the end of his words. Karkat slowly glanced back over him, only see him ‘hiding’ within his sweater. He was very attuned to other’s emotions and feelings, which was half the source of his anger (the other half being himself), and he knew at that moment that Kankri wasn’t exactly expressing self-indulgence. It wasn’t what was said, but rather what was not said.

He went over some thoughts in his head, narrowing his eyes a little then as the other Cancer inspected their surroundings before withdrawing again. Karkat felt like he should be irritated that Kankri knew what he didn’t, but he found himself much more concerned for the other at that moment, “Yeah…” He cleared his throat and sighed before awkwardly moving himself closer to the other, “I mean, it’s pretty obvious this place isn’t fucking safe, but…it’s good you noticed it. I bet a lot of other people wouldn’t noticed, you know.” He took another breath, trying to prepare himself for a possible long response for what he was about to ask, “…So what do you think we should do about it?” Of course Karkat had his own ideas, but he put them aside if it meant helping Kankri feel better.

Kankri wrinkles his nose when the other speaks again, his body’s movement slowly drifting back to it’s old position. He swiftly glanced at his duplex, a minute of eye contact between them both before he turned his gaze away which allows his eyes hide behind his black hair locks. He doesn’t move, but there’s a feeling of astonishment when he feels Karkat’s presence scoot closer to him, causing Kankri’s eyes to widen at the aspect. He hadn’t expected even the slightest bit that Karkat would speak in that level of calmness, but he tags along with it.

“I’m not… exactly sure about what to do, but as far as my knowledge goes, it’s best to erase these symbols. From the human mythology book, it says this symbol—” He turns his body again, his blank eyes exposed. Without hesitation, he points out to the symbol in the middle with a light frown. “—can be triggering to a omen or dead soul. Or probably an ancestor if it’s related to this uncanny symbol. It’s written out of chalk, so expunging it with the water from the rain will do.” Kankri takes a pause.He lowered his head, eyebrow’s furrowing in the process. He glances towards the other side, towards their surroundings where the dripping rain collides with the still ground. “Hm, I think that’s the best thing to do but—-How? I mean, there aren’t any bucket visible in sight here. I’ll probably have to look around for some.” Kankri had purposely mentioned a singular action, predicting he would probably be the last person Karkat would volunteer to help.

God, it really made him mad that this fuckmouth knew more than he did right now, but these were the times when Karkat was actually able to keep his anger under control. The only time that seemed to have allowed himself to hold back, was when someone was clearly upset. Still, he wished that he was knowledgeable of the things Kankri was talking about.

He still continued to stare down at the markings then even as Kankri glanced away. His shoulders cringed upwards a bit at the “b-word”, and Karkat gave a narrow look up at his ancestor as a passing thought made him wonder if Kankri had mention that thing so casually on purpose. No…he couldn’t be like that…could he? Kankri would be the last one to be perverted, especially in a subtle manner. Then again, no one would know that he too was a horny little bastard from the way he hid it…well, unless said hypothetical person took in account of his…what did _they_ call it…”Freudian slips” over some messaging chats.

He shook his head, getting rid of those thoughts. Now was not the time to psychoanalyze himself, his bloodline, and how they were perceived. “Yeah, you go do that.” Karkat rolled his eyes, “Just go walking around a broken temple that looks like it’s going to fall apart any moment, while it’s raining and storming, trees are falling, things are blowing violently in the wind, so you can find a goddamn…you know—” He grunted, “Do you want your ghost to die too? Fuck, just fucking erase it if it’s chalk.” He pulled his sleeve over his hand and then rubbed at the letters, indeed erasing it and getting the chalk on his clothes. “There-“

Then there was the loudest crack of thunder yet. The ground around them started to sink inwards as a flood of water seemingly came out of no where to fill the newly formed moat. “What-the-holy-hell-…..”

He twitches when he notices Karkat’s shoulders movement, standing up and flashing a disgusted look towards him. “Karkat, please. That’s not how I meant it—” Gives up, it’s pointless to explain any further. Instead, he takes that time to benefit and look around to examine the place while the other troll described the temple they were using as shelter in a poetry like manner. “Aren’t you a masochist, more like a sadist of course—That won’t erase the chalk, Karkat. The marks will still be visible—-!!! No wait, don’t do th—” He had extended both of his hands in attempt to stop the other male, but before his hands could make contact with the other troll, his whole body halts to an instant freeze, completely immobile while the cracks invade higher up on the walls and the water comes gushing out.

“…Look what you did now! This is why you should listen to me, and never object to anything I say for the sake of your life—” Before he could continue, the shake of the platform they were standing on cut him off. His anger takes over the dismay he felt a while ago, but he puts it aside now that he knew this was either life or death. While the water touched their feet and kept coming, Kankri found himself unable to move when his eyes met the symbol Karkat had tried to erase. His eyes narrowed, analyzing the symbol closely before they widen again, their direction turning towards the ceiling—above Karkat. “…Karkat!” He gulps, and in the instant, the ceiling above cracks, causing a huge rock to make an unusual sound before dispatching. Just then, Kankri felt his feet again and with a decisive moment, he steps forward and pushes Karkat—and himself—backwards, only to fall to the ground while the bulky rock crashes down at the spot Karkat was standing.

For a moment, he finds himself on top of Karkat and feeling slightly embarrassed, he rolls to the side to be able to sit up and have his eyes locked at the smashed boulder. He notices then that they’re on a higher platform, so even if the water is gushing up at intense speed, they still have a few minutes to enter the temple and save themselves before the water reaches them.

Complete distress took over Karkat's face as he watched the water fill up around them. He looked from the forming moat to Kankri yelling at him. There was almost an expression of sadness, “I didn’t…I didn’t do this!” He protested back, though not even believing himself. This all had to be from the weather, right? Karkat panicked in his head, losing his footing as the ground shook and cracked from under them. He looked back at Knakri, a very unsettling feeling taking over every inch of his body. It seemed like the other was having a hard time moving. Why was that?

If it was from dread or something more, it appeared to be gone for just a moment as Karkat found Kankri on top of him. He looked intently into those ghostly white eyes. It all happened so fast, and he hadn’t realized what actually /did/ happen until the other had removed himself from him. His stomach twisted into a knot, but then upon looking out at the spot to where he had just been standing, that knot became ten more. There was that bolder there that surely would have caused him to join the other Cancer in death. “F…Kankri…” He turned his look back at him, his eyes tainted with sorrow. “…” Karkat glanced away then again as he got up, slowly turning in front of where Kankri sat. “…thanks.” He said without giving him eye contact still, but his hand reached down to gently wrap around his wrist as to pull him up from the ground. “Come on man…our only way out might be through this damn temple” They were surrounded by way too much water now, and there was a thing…a thing about how ghost could not cross running water?

Kankri felt himself stiffen, his body completely immobile from the adrenaline. He was in shock, because both of them had nearly been crushed beneath a boulder. He nods weakly at Karkat’s thanks, avoiding the surprise that Karkat helps him back to his feet while the water slowly rises. “N-No problem.” Shaking his head, he forces back some of his confidence and get’s a hold of himself, pointing towards the entrance of the cave-like temple and both of them make their way in it. As they rush inside, the sound of the water fades and there’s a moment of silence.

“Hey, wait—” They had paced a few feet away from the entrance, but just as he takes a turn, the whole entrance collapses together. Kankri’s gaze fills up with sadness and panic and it’s implicitly evident. He’s wanting to explain right away what caused all of this, but he finds himself unable to speak because all of this had happened too fast, and he didn’t know what he was doing anymore. They were trapped in this temple.

No problem? That was a joke. Karkat rolled his eyes, but he kept silent for the moment still as they made their way into the temple. He knew this was a stupid-stupid-stupid idea, but if they stayed outside, they would surely be killed…or double dead for that matter.

Then, not nearly a second had passed as they entered within, and Kankri told him to wait, “Aurg…what is I-” The sound of the temple’s entrances caving in answered his question. Karkat found himself squeezing Kankri’s wrist tighter, as he had not let go of him yet…nor not realizing that he was still holding onto him.

More silence, and then Karkat snapped. “GODDAMNIT!” He yelled, closing his eyes as he finally couldn’t fight back his tears. He had this problem…about crying a lot. “Fuck-Why does this shit keep happening! You know why!? Because of me! Hahaha…this is…this is all my fault, as usual! I fuck everything up! Can I seriously not do one fucking thing right!” He yelled at himself, more so than actually inquiring to Kankri.

Kankri gulps again out of frustration, and while he lowers his head, he absentmindedly tugs onto the other’s wrist. He grits his teeth, mumbling a few curses until the other starts to yell and cry. For a moment, Kankri’s left speechless and silently gazes at the other pound and surge his anger out on himself rather than Kankri. Slowly, his eyes close to a half lidded position, feeling heavy and dull out of dismay. He’s holding back his anger, holding himself back from beating up Karkat, holding everything back.

“Shut up already and stop trying to make me feel bad. You’re a horrible person, we already know who’s fault this really is. You don’t have to shove it in my face with your wailing.” His gaze lowers even more to enable his eyes to hide behind his black hair, lips an absolute straight line while his expression turns phlegmatic. He let’s out a groan before squatting down and curling up his legs to wrap his arms around them—It seems like this is a position he makes quite often since he’s using it every time they sit.

It was that small pull on his wrist that made Karkat realize he had still been holding on to him, which only made him feel so much lacerated. He rapidly and sharply pulled his arm back to himself, sniffing inward as he tried to cease his tears falling down his face. Then he heard Kankri’s words, and Karkat let go of an abrupt breath as he shot a searing glare to the other. How could he berate him like that when he was suppose to be oh-so-fair and open-minded to everyone? Because Kankri was a fucking attention whore and a hypocrite. “At least I know I’m a horrible person!” He said, his voice cracking as he wanted to sound angry, but instead he just sounded so sad, “And look at yourself, you are—” Another fit of tears would have came, if he didn’t stop them, which made him stop his words.

He sat himself down in front of him, “You’re a piece of shit too, but a piece of shit that risked your life..well…soul….to save mine. Me? I’m just a regular piece of shit…decaying, to maybe be stepped on, and then to cause annoyance to the person that did…heh. So who’s fault is this really? Mine, and by my pathetic fucking tears, I’m throwing it in your face that you’re royal fucking Majesty is stuck here now due to me.”

“And I’d risk my life again, without being a certain coward—Ahem, Karkart, Ahem.” Rolls his eyes, groaning when the other continues to blame himself with such bull that it’s ridiculous to Kankri. “Shut up! Don’t you get it, you daft, arrogant, fatuous fool! So, you say this is your fault? Let’s rewind, who was it that told you to erase those vexatious symbols in the first place?!” He hadn’t realized he was yelling at the other troll the moment he had started talking again, and to tone down his voice, he scoffs, throwing his hands up till mid level, his face filled with disbelief and annoyance towards Karkat.

How can someone be so stupid? So weak and unreasonable? Was he trying to stab him on purpose? Preposterous. “I don’t need your tears, I’ve got my own. Thanks.” Kankri feels tired or rather confused now, feeling his eyes slowly tear up which causes his eyes to contain a light shimmer. He felt like he was lowering his pride, allowing things such as hurt to collide against him and break him down. He wanted to express how he felt, he wanted to put his anger into words—but how could he explain to Karkat? Or any one in general? No one ever listens to him. “And excuse yourself, because I’m not  trying to make myself the capital here. If I was, I wouldn’t bother wasting my time trying to share my knowledge and try to educate you all. Grow up.” His last words were a reluctant hiss, a break of voice, and his expression was weakly concealed with agony rather than just anger.

That did it—that first sentence that came from Kankri’s mouth turned the bomb countdown on. Karkat instantly stopped crying as the snap of anger within him took care of the tears, and he just gave his ancestor a wide acrimonious stare the whole time he continued to talk. Karkat knew that he was rather upset, but that he had just gone way over his limits with his comment about him being a coward, and then to only end his whole speech with saying ‘grow up’.

Then…even as Kankri had finished, Karkat still remained silent with his same stare on him. Like he had froze in time. Really, the bomb was just getting to its final digits though: 3…2…1, “YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT!” He yelled so loud that his voice echoed so well, “You want to bitch and moan about no one listening to you? Well guess what—I just did, and I listened well!” Without thinking, he reached forward to roughly grab Kankri by the collar of his sweater, “You think you’re so fucking smarter than everyone, and that you have the right to tell them what to do—and how to live their lives! You go around viewing everyone as children, thinking that THEY are the ones that need to ‘grow up’, when you are high and mighty: the mature adult of the universe!”

He would only grib the fabric tighter, to the point where his sharp nails maybe even ripped some of the neck piece, “Yeah, it’s fucking true that’s how I feel too! That’s how I know that’s how you feel, we just execute our means differently…but you want to know what makes you and me different!? I-FUCKING-CARE. You may think you care, but you only care about yourself! You go around preaching about acceptance and all that shit, but it’s in pure selfishness. I care about the individual, fuck face! I may HATE them. I may want to throw them in a pit of thorns with no way out, but even if I disagree with them…even if I loath them…if they are in need of someone or something, I’ll be there for them.” He growled then, just before actually tossing Kankri against the hard ground, “And you want to know WHY I was just standing there like that before? You want to know WHY I was being ‘oh-so-cowardly’? Because I was thinking about YOU! I was worried about YOU! I had spent the last twenty minutes putting my own agenda aside, so that I could try and make you feel fucking better, because guess what? You know what being adult is? You know what being grown up is? It’s being able to notice others emotions and who-they-fucking-are, and to RESPECT that! So as to why you saved me? Hahah…maybe you need to think about that reason yourself, because I’m sure that was in selfish intentions as well. How could you live with yourself if you knew your descender died when you saw it coming?”

Kankri only twitches when the other troll’s voice beamed like a bass drop, his ears hurt but he felt too stiff to cover them. His eyes widened when his collar was grabbed and stares deeply into the eyes of Karkat with an apologetic glint in them. His fire ignites when he’s called selfish, especially when Karkat states that he cares about no one but himself.

”Be quiet, you don’t know me! You think I’m the one going around thinking high and mighty, and like I know everything? You’re wrong! It’s you who thinks like that, and you’re proving it right now! You know nothing about me, and I’m not a selfish pest to think capital of himself! I care for people! Porrim, Latula, Horus! And in case you didn’t know, I’ll gladly remind you until it punches a hole through your thick skull, that all this time I’ve cared about you! I’m not the heartless soul you think I am….Just shut up. You speak with just hatred towards me that it’s hard to tell if you’re even being honest about listening to me—- it’s piteous.” He let’s out a quiet gasp when he hits the floor again, looking up with a keen glare while his eyebrows furrow. “Excuse you, you’re being unreasonable again. Do you really only think about what you do? Have you not understood yet that all this time I’ve been trying to get along with you?! And think about it Karkat, who contains the most knowledge here, huh? Tell me.” He groans, turning his head to the side until Karkat’s last sentence points the barrel of the gun and shoots the bullet straight through Kankri’s chest. His shoulders drop, expression falls, eyes dry out.

There’s a moment of silence before he manages to speak again without having his voice fail him. “I nearly had myself crushed under a rock in attempt to save your life, and you think I did it for my own good? That’s selfi—…..Forget it.” He cuts off, getting up to brush the dirt off his sweater. He hadn’t realized that a tear had actually managed to crawl down his cheek and drip down on the ground. Ruffling his own hair to fix them, pursing his lips, balling his fists, Kankri then turns away from the other troll to start a walk to examine the walls in order to find a way out. Why would Karkat understand anyways? Kankri found himself asking that question openly in his head.

It really didn’t matter what Kankri would say to him at this point. Karkat had his mind made up (for the time being), and he was expecting the other to retort at him in vexation. “You’re just mad, because I actually spoke the truth!” His hands remained balled, and he would have commented on the fact that yeah, he did know that Kankri was trying to get along with him, but that wouldn’t change anything about his narcissistic personality disorder that Karkat believed him to have.

He took a breath in, ready to growl such things in return, but it suddenly felt like this invisible force had come up out of no where and punched him in the chest. What it was though, was the actual sight of having to see Kankri get up off the ground with a tear. Karkat instantly stood up and slid back on his feet, looking at the other like he had just witness the most gruesome murder in history.

It was only then that Karkat had realized what he had done. Did he actually get physically violent with him? He had bitten some…property of others in the past, but it wasn’t anything like that. “Shit…shit man…” His lip twitched as he watched the other in silence. He cleared his throat, stepping over close to him, maybe even getting in the way of him and the wall. “Come on…don’t cry.” He looked at him in regret and sadness.

Kankri felt his throat aching, like he was holding a load of bullets that were slowly crushing him. The other troll’s voice hit him louder than expected, making him almost jump. His eyes were dull, half lidded, and lowered to the ground to hide his face while he tried to make an attempt to swiftly pace away from the other troll but failed to when Karkat managed to block his way. After hearing the last words to creep out of the other troll’s mouth, Kankri looked up with a puzzled look. “I’m not c—” His eyes widened a little when he felt that cold wet line beneath his eye. At first, he was drowned in disbelief. Did he really just cry out of agony and anger? Surprisingly, he did, but wasn’t ready to admit it. Not infront of Karkat. Not even to himself.

“This—No, this is just….the w-water from the rain. Don’t be silly.” he said, his voice faltering. Don’t be such a coward, Kankri!, he thought to himself. Regretting he ever looked up to glance at Karkat, Kankri staggered his way past the boy, his feet feebly stomping hard against the ground. “My intentions aren’t to die here and I’m implicitly sure yours aren’t either, so I suggest we quickly find a way out of here. We can quarrel later, now’s not the time to waste.” His re-focused gaze returns back to the collapsed entrance, examining the broken structure. This way was surely sealed, so perhaps they’ll have to follow the archway inside the temple? Kankri isn’t sure where it’ll lead them, but he knows and can sense that their current location isn’t any safer and there are chances of the rocks stuck on the entrance gate to tumble down.

The moment Kankri takes a first foot forward, there’s a clicking sound heard in a distance. In a flash, his attention is scattered about everywhere to seek the unknown object causing the sound. He’s scared, but his confidence doesn’t fail him. “Let’s just go down this path, It’ll eventually lead us somewhere better than this place.” he states in a hoarse voice.

At seeing Kankri like this, Karkat couldn’t help but to wonder: That maybe everything that he had thought about his ancestor was true…that yeah, he actually didn’t care about others, and that he was just going around spouting that shit for his own selfish means. However, maybe he had gotten the /reason/ wrong as to why. Could it really be that Kankri was actually just so sensitive? That he was actually trying to protect himself from being hurt in a way? Maybe that’s why he stepped in to run his mouth when someone was on the verge of “hurting” another…because he wanted to stop them…he wanted to stop them so that they wouldn’t make their way over to him and say such things…since it would hurt him that badly?

Karkat was quiet for a moment longer as he went over that depth of thought to find him. His attention was still intently on the other the whole while though. He gave him a melancholic look before finally speaking again, “Come on, that’s bullshit and we both know it,” but the statement was uttered under his breath in reference to his tears being rain.

It was so obvious how Kankri was trying to switch the gears in his head by focusing on leaving their area, and while he was right, Karkat knew it was his instigation that had contrived the motion to leave. “Look, Kankri, I…” But the sound of something clanking cut him off. This really wasn’t good at all. The structure didn’t seem sturdy, and some falling pebbles told them they had to pick up their pace.

He walked forward down the dim and worn path of the building. He felt like he should say something…he felt like he wanted to say something, but for some reason his mouth felt so tightly shut.

Then there it was; a small beam of sunlight. It was a thin ray, as it shined through from a little hole between rocks at the end of the corridor. “Hey.” Karkat pointed and ran to the blocked exit. “Come on, it shouldn’t take too long to put these stones aside if we do it together.”

With a quiet sigh, he squints his eyes shut when the other calls out his name, but by that time the clicking sound had made it’s timing. He tears his gaze away from the walls and the mystical symbols imprinted on it to pick up speed and catch up to the other troll. He kept quiet throughout the way, his gaze fixated straight ahead. His eyes then fix themselves to where Karkat was pointing, and that was a crumbled down exit. However, this wasn’t as bad as the crash at the entrance and the rocks were slightly lined, making the the radius of the circle (exit gate) smaller. Kankri was already positive that they’ll make it out from here, just if they move the rocks aside.

He didn’t speak when jogging up with the other male towards the rocks, hiking up the smaller rocks till they reach the slightly tilted ground. He places his foot on one of the smaller rocks and puts his strength to beneficial use and pushes the rock down. There weren’t many rocks blocking the way out of the temple, but they were massive and heavy so it would likely take them some time. Kankri pulled up his sleeves to avoid getting them damaged or ripped whilst moving the rocks, because the sweater meant something dear to him since it was given to him by Porrim. When he places both his hands on a larger rock, there’s a small frown on his face when he realizes how much he misses Porrim. Karkat’s words come shooting down on him, what if he was a sanctimonious brat towards Porrim? And maybe hurt her once or twice without noticing it?

He shook his head, erasing the memories and recovering his placid expression. While the other troll jostled to shift his side of the rocks away, Kankri converted his anger into force on the rock, the one which he had both of his hands planted on, and after a few struggles he managed to have it roll down all the others and crash down towards the horizontal platform.

Karkat had almost even tried to give the other a smile when he had commented about the two of them working together…yet, he failed at beaming. It was something again that he would have just went right to doing himself, really feeling that having the other Cancer there to ‘help’ him would just be annoying and hinder the job. However, he forced himself to not give into that lone desire, because he could see the damage he had done on Kankri—both mentally and physically.

It only made it that much worse, too, when he saw the way that Kankri had rolled up the sleeves on his sweater in the obvious motion of not wanting to get it even dirtier or damaged…and here he had actually ripped part of it before.

What made things yet more concerning was how quiet the other had got. He hadn’t said a word from then on. Karkat just waited to hear something, every so often glancing to him as he too worked on clearing the exit by pushing and pulling at rocks. Finally he couldn’t take it anymore, “Come on, just say something!” He almost yelled. “I don’t fucking care what you say, just talk! Talk about…fuck…I don’t know, grub abuse!” He pushed at another rock with his agitation. It was that harsh apply that Karkat just gave, along with the rocks that rolled down from Kankri’s ministrations, that finally caused for the opening to be cleared.

The light that poured in was almost blinding, and actually caused for Karkat to turn away since his eyes did not have time to adjust. There was a soft warm breeze, and wing creatures could be heard chirping. The weather was completely opposite of how it was when they had entered. “Wh..at…” Karkat looked ahead then. It was a city that didn’t look either human or like something in Alternia. It was mostly painted in hues of golds and white, and tents lined sparkling-sand streets that had people who appeared to be buying and selling in abundance. “Is this…somewhere you know?”

When the familiar voice beams, Kankri twitches. His expression was clearly wrapped with irritation, but he straightened up when the other Cancer boy tells him to speak. His eyebrow arches at the suggested topic, but waves his hand to show that he doesn’t find the subject to be of any importance and is going to ignore it. “I’m not entirely in the mood to speak right now.” He shakes his head and brushes the bits of dust off his clothes before raising a hand to defend his eyes from the blazing light coming from the solar energy in the sky.  
  
“W-What….” His jaw is slightly hanging, and his eyes are bewildered by the sight of people and a humanized looking habitat. He’s puzzled, which show’s that he hasn’t a clue about this place. Kankri’s astonished to know that a place like this hasn’t caught his eye in books. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know about this place. It’s unusual, and I’ve never heard, read or seen such… a destination.” His eyes convert towards the buildings; they’re not extremely tall, but neither are they short. Shiny, polished and made out of… Iron? Glass? He couldn’t tell. The market’s were peculiar little huts, where possible merchant’s could be spotted.  
  
“Uhm… Well, I don’t know what to say now.” Kankri heaves a sigh. Strangely enough, they’ve arrived at a place that looks even more quaint then the crumbled entrance. His head turns in all direction, examining the place before stepping out of the cave with reliance on his instincts and confidence since he felt use to this exciting feeling, it was just like one of those radical adventures he has with Latula. He curls his index in gesture towards Karkat, telling him to come out as well.  
  
The place was beautiful, he had to admit to himself. While he was busy admiring and analyzing the place, a figure had bumped into him from behind, causing him to fall. He looked up at the human-like creature, who yelled and told him to watch where he was going. Kankri was dumbfounded for a moment, what had he just made contact with? Never had he encountered a thing like that before, and he’s pretty sure Karkat hasn’t either. He doesn’t get up, but his eyes followed the direction of the figure as it walked away and at that moment he had realized that it had dropped a strange red rock and left it behind. “Pardon, wait—!” It was too late to call out since the figure had vanished into the mist of the crowd, so without being indecisive, Kankri picked up the tiny red rock and started examining it. “Now what could this be….”

Just when he thought it wouldn’t be possible to feel like his stomach could sink any lower, or himself for that matter, it happened more. Kankri didn’t feel like…talking about some ‘pressing issue’? Karkat’s eyes drew even more morose. How much damage did he actually deal to Kankri? Even with that extravagant sight in front of them, he found it hard to really focus or to be in awe about it due to his uninvited guilt.

“Great…so we’re fucking lost…” He muttered to himself when Kankri said he wasn’t familiar with their location. He sighed and tried to sooth his thoughts, but it was really starting to become all too caustic as trenchant issues kept piling up upon one another. So he groaned and continued to gripe under his breath even as he exited the temple as well, “Fuck off, I don’t need to be told when to come out. I’m goddamn leader-” He growled, but only so that he himself could hear his bitching.

He blinked then, seeing the approaching man come towards them, but before he could point it out to Kankri, it had already happened and his companion was on the ground. “Goddamnit, Kankri…” Karkat finally spoke at an audible level as he sighed and lowered himself in order to be at his level. He too looked at the bizarre device that Kankri now held. “It looks expensive. Maybe it’s some sort of exchange that’s above boons? Maybe a boon buck upgrade?” He gave a narrow look away at the city and streets. This could have been someone’s planet, but it didn’t make sense, since it was so lively and inhabited, “Hmn…” He stood back up then and noticed from his observation that most of the items that were being sold within the tents and stands were of the same style of the stone that Kankri held. Everything was just so… shiny and mystical looking. “So do you want to get up off your ass and try to see if we can get some information? Or at least try to find somewhere to get fucking cleaned up?”

Clenching the item in his hand, Kankri looked up at the other troll with a keen glare. He flicked the tiny object towards the other troll, aiming it right at his forehead, while he hauled himself back to his feet and stood up straight. He found himself brushing the dirt off his sweater once again, and it did manage to tick him off even more. “… Fuck off, I don’t need to be told when to get up. I’m your goddamn dancestor—” His eyes are narrowed slightly while he mimics Karkat’s words, reaching down to conquer the possession of the tiny object again before walking past him without showing any concern.

“It could be anything, and it could also mean anything.” He replies, while pointing towards the glowing object that’s planted down against his pale palm. Kankri slides over to a side in order to avoid making contact with another one of these peculiar beings again. “Judging by the way he yelled at me, I think it might just be something extremely important to them. Something as valuable as a life source, perhaps. I wonder if we can break it into pieces, we might be able to trade them with the merchants here in exchange for supplies.” Considering the thought that they are infact filthy at the moment after exiting the murky cave, he postponed the thougth of dealing with merchants.

“Look.” His eyes fall upon the sight of flashing white and blue, his ears adjusting the the familiar sound of gushing water. “There’s a river up ahead.” He refrains from speaking too much, only hinting out a few words to unite them into a sentence. “Uhm, I suggest we determine the condition near the river first before we get ourselves in trouble, since you’re already complaining about being unclean.” He curiously starts off towards the river side, his expression hasn’t changed throughout the time they escaped the cave. He decides not to pay attention if Karkat disagree’s to follow him, knowing that the frustration is enough to pursue the stubborn troll into eventually following him nevertheless.

Without even having time to prepare or notice, the item was clunked at him, and it managed to hit him where Kankri had aimed, “What the fuck—goddamnit!” He closed one eye with a twitch of the eyebrow, “You know what, you’re really starting to piss me off to the point where I should just sto—” stop caring…and yet there was that care and concern barging its way at him at that very moment when he actually heard Kankri drop the F-bomb. Karkat’s eyes widened. ‘Holy shit, did I just hear that correctly?’

Karkat only stared with a wide shocked look from then one, not even reacting to the rock being repossessed Even when Kankri told him to look, Karkat just remained frozen in astonishment. It wasn’t until the other had actually removed himself from his sight that had brought Karkat out of his stuck state. He shook his head to try and bring himself back to reality as he then hurried himself to catch up to him. “Alright, we’re going to get to that damn fucking river, and then we’re going to sit down and have a nice long fucking chat about what sort of parasite crawled up your ass, because with the way you’re acting, this has to do with a lot more than getting some opinionated critiques from me!”

He was tempted to glance back at the boy because he hadn’t responded, or atleast shout out insults towards Kankri containing words such as ”bossy” and that he doesn’t have the right to be the “leader” right now because he got them into this mess in the first place… But Karkat had said nothing. He swallows hard, guilt emerging up his throat—What if he had really offended Karkat now? He’s aware and ashamed of using such outrageous language himself, knowing he had let his anger win over such a daft matter. When he hears the footsteps inching closer, he let’s out a quiet sigh out of relief.

Kankri arches up an eyebrow when the other demands a nice long chat, whilst stepping onto a narrow log bridge that tops the river. Meanwhile, he notices that the river moves at a cadenced speed; calm and almost still. They’re half-way across the river when Kankri twitches, a twisted smirk appearing on his lips. “Parasite?” He scoffs, turning around to make the mischievous smirk that’s plastered on his lips visible to the other troll—It’s probably the first time since the day they met that Kankri showed anything closer to a smile infront of Karkat. “Takes one bite to know the pain.” And with that, Kankri steps forward, slipping a hand behind Karkat to put force onto the other trolls back, causing him to lose his balance and splash down into the river water.

The whole while that Karkat kept walking at Kankri’s side, his hands were clenched his and his brow was forward. Karkat really wished he had the ability to let things go and to not care, but no matter how hard he tried at that…he always failed…just like everything else in his life…

He had stepped onto the bridge with his colleague, and still Karkat paid no mind to the surroundings, despite how breath-taking they were. When Kankri had stopped and turned to him then, Karkat practically tripped over his own feet with how sudden it was. He blinked a couple times at seeing that sort of deranged smirk that painted Kankri’s face. He felt his own expression succumb to confusion. He had never seen Kankri smile, and then to see him smile like this…

As the words were spoken then, Karkat slightly tilted his head to the side, “Wha—” He didn’t have any time to process what was being said to him before there wasn’t anything solid under his feet anymore, only for his entire body to be consumed by water.

As he was pushed into the river and sunk downwards, his eyes were wide with shock, burned by the water. There was no mistaking it, the blurred image of his ancestor above the river dropping further away from him…had been the one that had done the pushing. What wonderful last thoughts…game over by the murder from your own blood. Forget all the fighting and work you put in to saving the universe…

At least, those were actually the last thoughts that Karkat had in his head before the black cloak that suffocation wore wrapped around him.

Yeah…just like everything in his life, either big or small…he failed at. Well..and one of those small things? It was knowing how to swim.

 


	2. Hit the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much fighting...between each other, themselves, and some points of authority.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( There are quite a bit of original and/or background characters appearing in this chapter to trigger events.))

That’s it, Kankri reached limits. He’s almost at the edge, almost close to giving up and breaking down. Why is he doing this? Why is he constantly respecting the Seer and preaching his lectures when no one listens? Kankri’s hands shoot up to cover his ears, the sound of his surroundings burning his ears like scorching heat while he constantly tries to keep himself from screaming out loud. He let’s out a helpless yelp before gritting his teeth, “You lousy ignorant self-piteous brat! The water is barely that deep, get up!”

He jogs, more like stomps, his way towards the exit of the bridge. He stares into the water, clearly seeing the blur image of his duplicate in an unconscious position. Out of anger, Kankri marches his way into the river with water splashing away in all directions—his hands roughly shoot down to grab the collar of Karkat’s sweater. The water was cold and managed to calm Kankri down by making him quiver, and he felt a frown glue itself onto his soft lips. When he pulled Karkat out, he shook him till he woke. Kankri himself felt exhaustion charge against him but he kept a firm grip of the other, frustration rocking through his nerves while he scowled at the younger troll. “Get up, you insignificant weakling!”

Then, out of no where, a sharp arrow of sympathy teared through Kankri’s mistreated heart. He didn’t hesitate and swung the other troll’s arm around his own neck, dragging him out of the river and dropping him to the ground when his feet exit the river and meet the fresh green grass. He settles himself down next to the other boy, curling up with his arms crossed and placed on top of his own knees while his head sinks into his crossed arms. He felt awful. Awful for pushing the other boy into the water, awful for smiling, awful for getting Karkat into this mess. He let his confidence boost and take charge, but it only ruined his and Karkat’s determination to encourage their friendship.

In reality, it didn’t matter how deep or how shallow water was in order to cause someone to drown…and for someone who couldn’t swim? As well as to meeting that water with shock and abruptness? Every second mattered. How long did Kankri stand on that bridge, fighting the noise of his surroundings and thoughts that were probably just as loud? 

It was just the opposite with Karkat. There was nothing but silence, darkness, stillness, blackness, death. It wouldn’t matter now how hard he was shaken, or yelled at, or met with the softness of perfect grass. He wouldn’t budge. He wouldn’t wake up. 

***

What was that light and bad music? Karkat squinted and rubbed his eyes. He sat in a waiting room that played the most boring elevator music. “The fuck…” He looked around, seeing all different sorts of creatures and aliens sitting in chairs as well. There were also magazines placed on a table written in so many languages. “Ah—” His head hurt as he tried to recall how he got here, but the last thing he remembered was…was mother.fucking.Kankri.throwing him off a bridge!

Maybe he had hit his head and blacked out, and this was some sort of…Hell, he had no idea what he was waiting for. 

So he got up and walked over to the receptionist window. “Where the—”

“Wait your turn.”

“What? Turn for what? I don’t even fucking know why I’m here. I just want to know what this place fucking is and—”

“I SAID WAIT YOUR TURN! Your name will be called at the appropriate time!”

“Listen fucknugget, I—” His gaze fell past the alien creature to a clock behind him…only the clock was missing hands…strange. 

Karkat felt as if his heart stopped. He felt like he lost every breath all over again, because he saw his reflection from the clock’s glass. His eyes? White? 

“OH THAT GRUBBERFUCKER!!!” Karkat yelled so loud that it disturbed the whole waiting room. He instantly turned on his feet and ran to the exit door in the room. 

He was outside again, still in the same strange place where they had been. “KANKRI!!” He growled as he ran down a hill, heading back towards the city. He would find that goddamn bridge. He would find Kankri, and when he did…well, he was so mad and upset, Karkat didn’t know what would happen!

Kankri sat frozen with all sorts of thoughts messing around in his head, teasing every part of his mind to twist his senses into guilt. Karkat wasn’t responding, he wasn’t moving. Kankri felt too scared to glance at the boy, what if he had done something outrageous himself? 'I crossed the line', he thought to himself. A bullet slugged down his throat, his heart ached from the exhaustion and heat that sweat against his skin.

Moments later, his ears ached from familiar screeches and he felt the grass on his side move rapidly. He slid his eyes to the corner, only to see the other troll squirming on the ground with his hands and legs sprawled out on the space he was laid. Kankri had figured that Karkat had fallen into a deep nightmare, and that he was definitely going to get some beating when he wakes up from it. He didn’t bother panicking about it though, he knew he deserved it. While the younger troll panted for breath and yelled out incomprehensible words, Kankri couldn’t help but start to worry.

“K-Karkat, hey, calm down…”, his voice was hoarse, broken, dry. It didn’t do any good to the condition Karkat was in, so he started to tremble. He that notices his hand was still cold wet, and that the water had some sort of ability that even managed to calm down Kankri himself. He feebly moved his hand on top of Karkat’s chest, the water squeezing out of his sweater and touching Kankri’s palm. He then shifted his hand upwards, towards Karkat’s neck and pinches it hard before placing his cold wet palm flat on the unconscious troll’s forehead.

Where was that damn river? Fuck, what part of the city was he heading towards? Just as Karkat pressed a foot on the white sand that made up the streets, it felt like he had gotten hit in the face with something hard, and a stinging blackness burnt his sight. He could hear someone speaking, but it sounded muffled, almost like they were talking…underwater. 

His whole body fidgeted as he heard his own voice in his head then to ‘open your eyes’. That sting still lingered, and it had actually been the pinch Kankri gave him. When that frigate moist palm pressed against him, Karkat finally shot his eyes wide open…to which Kankri would no doubtlessly see that they were now bestowed with white. 

He gasped and breathed hard, staring at the trees above him while his hand clutched the grass. It took him a moment to settle his head…from first being in the river, to inside some weird room, and then back to the riverside again. Eventually Karkat sat up. He looked to Kankri with pure rage. “You lowlife piece of shit!” He yelled as he attempted to get to his feet, only to be unsuccessful. There was more of a fear in his voice rather than anger. “What did you do! What the fuck did you do to me!” Karkat pressed his hands against his own face, “Did you…are my eyes…it wasn’t a dream, was it! You fucking killed me! You’re sick!” He slid himself back some. This was not the first time he was dealing with a “rogue” troll, but it was different now than it was with Gamzee…one factor being that his death was dealt to him by his own bloodline. 

Kankri didn’t move much when the other Cancerian finally lift his head up. He squinted his eyes shut, waiting to get punched or probably beaten at this point. His lip twitched when he was insulted, but out of pure horror his head swung towards Karkat when he mentioned ‘eyes’. His hands slid back, elbows straight for support while he stared at the other troll, dead in the eyes with a bewildered expression marked upon his face.

Kankri’s expression had made it obvious that he didn’t want this, and that at that moment he’d give up to do just about anytime to undo what he had done. He lost his voice, his ears blocking out all the sounds in their surroundings while burning shock filled up small tears in Kankri’s eyes when he found himself staring at another pair of white eyes rather than Karkat’s usual black with the yellow plate behind. What had he done? “The parasite bit you,” was all his stupid mouth could bring up to mutter. Puzzled and frustrated, Kankri tore his gaze away from the dead troll, finding his strength to help him stand up again. Once up, he refused to make eye contact again. “I’ll bring you back to life, I promise.”

He had the mind to just rip Kankri another nook, but it was his body adjusting to the new ambiance that kept him from full out striking at the other. Karkat clearly saw the agony in Kankri’s eyes, but could he find himself to care that he was upset? It felt like all he had been doing was caring about Kankri’s being since he first came in contact with him that day…or yesterday, or whenever it was by now. How could he care now though that all his concern was nothing more than wasted effort, and in the end the ‘fuck face’ ended up wanting to kill him? 

Karkat growled, giving more effort to try and stand up again, now being able to. “The parasite bit me!? WHAT THE FUCK, KANKRI!” He clenched his fists tight and took a step forward, “Is that all you can fucking say, and then act like this was all o-fucking-kay by sealing the shit cake with icing that says ‘I’ll bring you back to life’—that sounds so fucking stupid, because you obviously didn’t check to make sure I was fucking breathing or…oh~I~don’t~know~, DEAD, when you dragged me out of the river…assuming it was your fucking ass that did so. Oh no~ you just pulled me out and laid me on the grass either thinking I was in need of a nice sunbath, or that your sick and twisted head wanted to see me decay…so you lugged me out of the water so you could watch. If you had just FUCKING CHECKED to make sure your ‘accident’ didn’t become anything more than that, you would have had the decency to put your fucking ear up to me and say ‘wow~ Karkat isn’t breathing. Wow, Karkat’s heart has stopped. Wow, Karkat is dead. I better fucking kiss him quick to bring him back to life!’”

He breathed harder, taking another step closer as it was getting more difficult to hold back attacking him, “NO! You probably had this planned the whole while, didn’t you! Oh boy, is it going to be fun when we find our path back and I get to tell everyone what a sneaky little untrustworthy bastard you are.” He mockingly covered his mouth, “Whoop! Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, because now you’ll probably try to find a way to knock my dead self out of commission too!” 

With each word he took, he drew closer and closer to his ancestor to the point where he was not toe to toe with him, “You have one fucking minute to prove you are sincere about actually /caring/ to find the impossible…to convince me otherwise so that I don’t rip you to fucking shreds, because as of right now? There’s too many fucking signs that you are just trying to cover your ass.”

He had squinted his eyes shut several times throughout the time Karkat yelled at him, and every time he open his eyes there would be a hint of surprise and dismay. He isn’t punched yet? Beaten? Kicked? What’s wrong here, other than Karkat being dead and Kankri making a huge mistake, he couldn’t understand. He stepped back while the other hollered at him, and he kept his own gaze fixed sharply on Karkat. At one point, Kankri had stopped moving and was immobile while he felt his body freeze inside at Karkat’s words. Paralyzed, terrified, dead.

“I….” He couldn’t bring himself to speak when the other had set a time limit till Kankri could confess and prove he hadn’t meant to do this on purpose. But Kankri was so overwhelmed and full of shock, he found his mouth slightly hanging and his voice tortured into it’s own invisible cage. Of course he hadn’t meant to kill his own pupil and he fell into agony over the simplest mistake of not checking on Karkat after he had dragged him out! His gaze on Karkat was so intense, a minute later he realized he wasn’t staring into Karkat’s eye at all, but rather his…neck? Neck bone? “….can explain.” He lied to himself, over and over again from keeping the pain of his mistakes from turning into tears. He’s too sober for this, but there’s something there, on Karkat, that’s managing to keep Kankri’s hope alive while his eyes turn watery.

His expression slowly starts revealing horror, or maybe it’s astonishment? He knows it’s pointless speaking, because Karkat won’t believe him anyways. Maybe his dead silence is enough to prove it? Kankri’s unsure, but he feebly lifts a finger to point something on Karkat. “I haven’t killed you, entirely.” There was a spark of hope as Kankri’s hands reached out to touch Karkat’s collar, gripping it lightly, and pulling it down slowly to reveal a symbol printed on his chest bone. Which symbol for Christ sake? The same symbol Karkat tried to brush off on the entrance of that musky temple.

Just as Kankri could not understand why he was not bleeding ghost blood yet, so was Karkat wondering just the same. It was okay though, because he was going to make him leak red all over the place pretty soon. Maybe if Karkat wasn’t so nerve wracked and abashed about the fact that he had just died, he would have found Kankri’s obvious uncomfortable state rewarding. There was /nothing/ that could make this better though, not even if Kankri was on the ground sobbing. 

“Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought!” Karkat hissed after the other had spoke that single word of ‘I’ with the pause behind it. He lifted his fisted hand, and just as he was about to seriously punch the other in the face, he stopped himself when Kankri finished the statement about being able to explain. “Then do it quick, because you’re in a race against my hand!” 

When he was pointed at and informed of having a symbol imprinted on him, Karkat did blink and lower his arm back down. “What?” He tried to look at it, though finding it difficult due to its position on him and the fact that Kankri’s hands were attached to his clothing as well. Karkat growled, smacking his arms away from him, “And how the fuck do you know that’s what this fucking thing means? And if it means I’m some sort of think-pan eater now, it STILL doesn’t change the fact that you are a fucking little fake douche bag that decided to push me off a fucking bridge just because he couldn’t handle feeling upset. Tch— and what if you have one too!” Without warning, Karkat reached forward to lift up Kankri’s sweater, to where he too had the same marking on him as Karkat had brought into question, “Does this mean that you’re only half dead as well? Because I thought we were pretty well informed that you have been a drifting fart for a while now.” 

“No, it’s not that—” He squints his eyes down hard when Karkat’s fist is inches away from punching but, re-opening them with another astonished expression. He quickly takes his hand back, waiting for a chance to break in and start explaining but unfortunately, the other troll just keeps on screeching at him without stopping, so he doesn’t practically have a choice. “Shut up for a minute, I know what I’m saying!” No, he didn’t actually. He was confused about this fatuous idea his head was developing but at least it wasn’t as pathetic as his guilt.

He’s heard about these signs, that’s true, and he knows how they work. Social Justice isn’t the only subject Kankri keeps his interest and attention locked on, sometimes even, out of curiosity he’s studied way beyond that. Trying to find his voice, it came out rather dry and sharp. “It’s…—Ever heard of body swap? But instead, you switch souls, and this can only happen if I have the symbol on me too-" Before he could go on, Karkat had pulled down his collar as well to reveal the same symbol imprinted on Kankri’s chest bone. It took him off-guard for a moment, eyes widening in surprise but at the same time there was a stolid expression of relief. “It’s rumored that there’s a spell which reverse the damage of a half-dead, like you at the moment, only with a strong energy source. I don’t remember it well, but a short summary of it would be that the person preforming it can sell away his soul to bring back a half-blooded-dead-person, I don’t know. But what energy source is here…” He doesn’t know how to carry on since he isn’t even sure if such an uncanny supernatural act even exists but does he really have a choice here? Not really, and since they live in such a collapsed world already, these type of things should exist, at least in a place like this where iron birds, human like creatures and glass built buildings are.

Kankri’s last words manage to tick him off, because being dead wasn’t a pleasing doubt, and the way he had died was even worse. “Be quiet, you don’t even know how it feels like to be dead, and in your case, you’re just suffering part of what it’s like to be dead. You can call me whatever you want, and if you wish, beat me up later— but my incarnation was the Signless who didn’t break promises, so don’t think I’ll be the one breaking anything here. I’ve recognized my mistake, but I won’t sulk over it for eternity, I’ll fix it.” His eyes reveal no joke, his eyes, along with his face, always live up to an expression that manages to perk off confidence.

'Shut up for a minute?' That’s all that Kankri had—a minute, and Karkat was sure to be counting down in his head. He dug his foot into the ground, messing up that perfect grass and bringing up some dirt that was a soft color of blue instead of brown. He didn’t notice it or care though, because his fix was on his ancestor. Each word that dropped from his lips was nothing more than another spike of temperature on his rage thermometer. His fists started to shake at his sides from the wrath building up inside of him. 

There wasn’t even a second of silence then as Kankri appeared to have finished…or even if he wasn’t actually done talking, he was now when Karkat raised his voice, “BULLSHIT! That’s fucking bullshit!” He literally growled, not buying one word of what was said, whether it was true or not.

Karkat then roughly yanked on the other’s sweater’s collar, purposely aiming to rip it more, “You seem to be forgetting something, you hoofbeast-raping-nook-master! I’m not-a-fucking-idiot! You may think that you can swindle others into silence by your verbal excrement, but not me! Not anymore!!” He went to push his forehead against the other’s so that they were literally “eye to eye”, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK at me in the fucking eyes! Do you see any color? Is only one eye white? NO! They are both amiss! So don’t you dare fucking trying to decide that I’m only so-called ‘half-dead’, and then to further throw acid on the already gashing wound by putting yourself up on a fucking pedestal by telling me that I don’t know what ‘it feels like’.” And, just as in the temple when Karkat had tossed Kankri down, so did he attempt now…only this time it would be so much harder: not a toss, but a throw, “So The Signless didn’t break promises, hm? Was he also a chronic liar, a coward, and a murderer? I am fucking done with you! I NEVER want to fucking see you again, you fucking hear me!? You can find your own god damn way out of this place by yourself.” He stepped back then, “In fact, I actually hope you don’t! I hope you get stuck here for all eternity and are left to wander in some strange ass land alone! You fucking deserve all the fucking misery the stars could bestow upon you!” Karkat made a sprint for it—away, as fast as he could so that he could actually really leave him. 

As much as convincing Karkat was important right now, Kankri had almost forgotten everything at that one second and had his hands race up to wrap a tight grip around Karkat’s wrists. He didn’t care if he got hurt from that simple act, but he was more afraid to damage something precious to him. When he finds the chance, he pulls Karkat slightly closer to him, enough to at least manage to clearly whisper something out in the middle of the younger trolls tantrum. “You’re eyes are blank, but your soul is still glowing, you dipshit.” It was almost a mutter, except, somewhat angrier and louder.

He creates a distance between them, eyes fixated with the other while he curses out his last words. His patient was a forever glowing star when it came to Karkat, so none of the insults were enough to tick him off. It nearly made him scoff, it was so typical to hear these types of insults from Karkat.

Gone. Karkat was serious.

“Hey, wait—!” His eyes had dropped, along with his shoulders, jaw and heart. Since the other troll was insistingly erasing himself from the sight, Kankri didn’t even bother to hesitate and out of exhaustion collapses down to his knees.

It mattered and concerned him where Karkat would run off to know, but he saught no point in chasing him as it would only frustrate both trolls to an even higher level where they wouldn’t be able to collaborate anymore. Kankri held his agony in, faking lies to himself about brighter moments in the future, and constantly pushing himself into bringing out a useful advantage from this situation. “Come on, Kankri. Think….Think—!!! Of course!”

The energy source. The little red stone. Possibility? Yes. Kankri felt weak to his feet, but he hauled himself up, taking the little red crystal out of his pocket to have it shine under the bright light of the sun. “This could work… I just need help.” He’s more of an expert living and experiencing places like this and he can tell it’s not exactly safe but neither is it dangerous. But Karkat’s almost fearless and will not bow to drop his dignity, so he’s sure that Karkat will manage without him for a while, though the horrid guilt inside him remains the same since the moment he had pushed Karkat into the river.

His air bags within his chest burned so hard with how he was sprinting. He just had to get away from Kankri. Both his own words and Kankri’s rang through his head. Maybe he had made it out like he hated him and was disgusted by his being, but Karkat knew a lot of his need to remove himself from the other also had to due with keeping himself under control at the moment. Karkat really though did feel like his life had ended, and he knew he was growing closer to physically hurting Kankri with each passing second, and he didn’t want to do that at all…even if the guy DID kill him. 

And yet…he said his soul was still glowing? Karkat stopped then finally after getting back into the city, assuming they had been in the park, and turning a few corners. “Fuck…shit…fuck, what am I going to do now…” He slid himself down the side of a building to sit on the sandy streets. He felt sick…so sick…in more ways than one. 

***

“Ah~ There it is!” A voice sounded from the bridge. A group of three men looked down at Kankri. Their outfits were rather elaborate, yet they looked professional at the same time. If by a glance, they would also appear to fit a description ’friendly’ and ‘attractive’; with shining white long hair tied so perfectly back, and bright blue eyes that only brought out their slender features more. “Thanks for finally taking it out. It made tracking it easier.” 

Then, one of the three men just appeared in front of Kankri, as if by the use of teleportation, the other two then standing behind him, “Now, my dear…would you please hand that over to us?” They smiled with their hands held out.

By this time, he had managed to drag himself under the bridge that topped the river. He was curled up, using the sweater’s warmth to relax him while the small rubs of dirt teased his cheeks but he didn’t even pay attention to his surroundings. He was in sweater town, thinking thinking thinking…

“Wh—!” His head perked up, hair messed up but eyes shining bright. He tried recognizing the sound but evidently it was new to his ears and it was loud enough to ring through his head. Kankri adverted his gaze towards the leading man, examining his features, his funny posture and his inviting hand—

Only that the hand wasn’t offering help, but was rather demanding the seize of Kankri’s hope. Hissing out a vexed sound, Kankri rocketed up to his feet with a keen glare. Karkat was still appearing in the mists of his mind, distracting him and bringing out his guilt, but he tried his hardest to push that aside at the moment. “Your use of words with me are absurd, and I highly dislike them already with a burning passion. If you’ve got the talent, then refrain from even breathing the same air as me. As for your question, No, I refuse to hand that over to you.” His expression displayed pure anger and rage, but one could tell that he was a timid bastard on the inside due to his shimmering eyes.

The whole while that Kankri spoke at the men, they still remained in their same position, hands continuing to be held out. Their expressions were completely unchanged. For someone who wasn’t familiar with them, it may be a bit unnerving to see a group of perfectly similar people being so apathetic. When Kankri finished his final sentence, however, it was then that they did lower their arms. “Hmm, how odd.” He said sounding monotonous, “Well you know what happens when one is at variance with us. We will also need to take you in on account that you are refusing to abide our demand.” 

And with his last sentence, the beings would “bring out” their handcuffs, only they were not something that was physical in a definite sense. It was the sort of thing that would be nothing more than a glowing energy lock around another’s wrists, which also aimed to cause for the red stone to be dropped from Kankri’s grasp if they had managed to bind him. If this was also the cause, they would waste no time in pulling their target to walk with them.

***

A young man strides his way across the street; saluting to the men of the city and winking towards the females on the sidelines of the pathway. It was another bright day for him and he almost pranced with joy as he turned the corner. “Hmm—Oh? What!” His hands fly up to slap against his forehead, utter surprise punching his face at the sight of a curled up troll in a black sweater. “Kankri, is that you?! Where have you been! Wow, it’s been forever!” This young man, rushed up to Karkat’s side with the brightest grin plastered on his face. “Kankri fucking Vantas, you’re here!”

***

Kankri’s eyes narrow, his expression dipped in rage. “Have I not made myself clear? I refuse…..to…hand—-” He cuts himself off at the sight of the handcuffs. His expression takes a change; eyebrows furrow in shock, eyes widened while his jaw slightly drops. This seemed… familiar. He’s absolute that he’s seen this somewhere before, not the handcuffs, but this scene. “What—”

Kankri takes a step back while clutching onto the red stone tightly. When the men had stepped forward, he didn’t even think about hesitation and dashed away before their grip would seize him. He was fast, and to his abilities, thankful that he’s use to running at this pace. His intentions was to exit the area that surrounds the bridge and try to create a block between him and the men to allow him some more time to escape whilst blending in with the crowd of the city before they got to him. Unfortunately, they were tracking this red device and he was aware that they’ll eventually hunt him down until he gives up. “This isn’t good, I have to get away and find Karkat before they track me down.”

As Kankri made a run for it, two of the three men went to go after him. All they had to do was teleport, after all, but they were stopped by the one that seemed to be in charge. “We have to find the other half. This one doesn’t seem like that much of a threat. Let the citizens bring him to us.” They nodded and then vanished in their spots. 

Then, not too far away from where Kankri actually was, was Karkat still slumped down against the side of the building. A bit of depression took over him as he fell into the trap of thinking too much about things. He even looked rather sad as he idly stroked his fingers in circles at his side into the sand. It was okay to just be himself right now though…he was alone, he was hidden, he didn’t have to put on a facade for anyone. All the emotion just started to build up, and red tears started to leak down his face. 

There was a voice that seemed to be coming his direction then. He was right as the voice came with a figure. Karkat quickly smeared his sleeve against his face to rapidly dispose of his tears as the other approached him. He cleared his throat and stood up with a deep glare at him, “Don’t you fucking call me that! I’m not that fucking piece of shit scum chunk. I don’t know who you are, nor do I care, and nor do I care if you know that fuck face. I’m not in the fucking mood! Leave me alone.”

The handsome young fellow build up a puzzled expression. “Listen up pal, I have no clue what you’re—” He had glanced to the side, just once glance, and his face was pure shock. He nudged Karkat, standing up and backing off instantly. “Yeah, I can see who you are now. And I can see that your ancestor isn’t happy. Nevermind, See ya kid!” And with that, he hurried off before shouting Kankri’s name—-

**

“There!” It was only minutes before the unknown person, who had happened to bump into Karkat, had left whilst shouting Kankri’s name that there was a loud screech coming from Karkat’s side. The sound of shoes screeching. Breath panting. “Karkat!” When he had gotten close to the younger troll, Kankri had raced up and put an instant halt infront of the side. He reached forward to grab Karkat’s wrists and make an attempt to haul him up. “You have to get out of here! You’re in big trouble, they’re coming after you—!! Move! Karkat, now! There isn’t much time!” There was panic in Kankri’s tone. He had gotten one person out, which was his unknown friend by signaling him the Cancerian sigh which was a sign of alert. Now, he has to defend his own disciple. “Karkat, there’s barely any time—-” He tried one more forceful push to get Karkat to run, but in a flash he felt tight hands around his throat. Oh no, he thought. His hands twitched, releasing the grip he had on Karkat’s wrists and slowly, but roughly, he was pulled back and thrown against the wall followed by the snickering of the three men who had demanded the seize of the red crystal. Slightly dizzy with a strong ache in his head, Kankri managed to lift himself and rest against the hard wall. “Grrr…..” Low growls escaped his lips while his eyes flashed glares towards the trio who now stood between him and Karkat.

Karkat had been dead serious—no pun intended. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone, and to further display this, he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his back to the annoying apparently-friend of Kankri. If that bitch didn’t leave soon, then /he/ was going to leave. He could find another building corner to go sulk in. 

Just as Karkat decided that his thought would be what he would do, the bothersome guy quickly made an exit. Karkat blinked and stiffly turned his head to look back at him leaving. Okay…that was kind of weird that he would just suddenly sprint like that. Then again, this whole goddamn place was weird. Maybe he—All his internal thoughts were killed as He heard Kankri’s voice, “GODDAMNIT, KANKRI!” He growled, “I was fucking serious when I said—” his wrists were grabbed, and he was pulled on, “What the hell are you talking about. Fuck man, you’ve really fucking lost it! I don’t—” He gasped then as the other became detached from him.

Karkat’s eyes drew wide as he watched his descender being thrown against the opposite building’s wall by strangers. He listened as they harassed him about the thing they had found upon entering the city. He clenched his fists, about to yell at the blokes, but he stopped himself and thought otherwise. ‘No, that will just turn their attention to me, and risk hurting both of us.’ He rapidly looked around the alley. 

Damn, this place was so clean and spotless. There may not be that random pipe laying on the ground that most alleyways always seemed to have, but there was some sort of weird water system in the corner…and it did have a few pipes. 

Karkat ran to it, going for the smallest one within the set up so that he could detach it with a pull. Now~ It would be time to yell at the guys, “LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE!” He growled as he jumped and brought the hard pipe down upon one guy and then the next. It was almost like he had been fighting imps again in Sgub, expect they were bigger….'and they could teleport!?' 

While Karkat did manage to get a few hits in, all the three of them simply teleported behind him, so that they were now in front of him and Kankri. 

“Hah…hah…hah…” He laughed awkwardly.

It was a matter of minutes before Kankri was pinned against the wall, thrown down and constantly beat up by the three men. They endeavored to remove the red crystal from Kankri’s grasp by trying to step on his face but failed to because one, he wasn’t giving up the crystal any time soon, and two, he was using his arm as a sheild from the kicking. It was surprising to him, that even if he’s dead, he can still feel pain. Physical pain. He had coughed a few times, groaned and hissed. It felt like he was dying all over again.

Desperately enough, Kankri tried to struggle back to his feet, but his knees and arms failed him at first try. He managed to crouch on his knees, a hand on his stomach as he watched Karkat yell from a few meters across before he had made attempts to strike the three men. He groaned when Karkat had blurted out that awkward laugh but his gaze was caught by the sight of a small card that the leader of the men had in his hand. Kankri could figure out some of the buttons and he implicitly believed that the card was the sole device that enabled the transportation to happen. However, he wasn’t sure. To save the both of them, he had to think of something fast. “Ugh, damn you Karkat! I’ve had enough! Worthless piece of trash, I don’t even get anymore why I’m even trying to save your life.” He was tired and he tugged at his hair to show that. He stumbled back to his feet, reaching forward to grab Karkat’s collar and roughly toss him to the floor while he wiped off the blood that leaked from his own mouth using his already-so-damaged sweater that he failed to keep clean. He turned, paced till he was between Karkat and the three men. “I don’t understand your intentions, but if it’s so that you want to capture the possession of this little item, then so be it. Take this nuisance along with you, it’ll do us both a pleasure.” He glared back at Karkat with keen eyes. His expression was stolid and realistic with anger.

Before he turned away from Karkat, he winked.

“Take it.” Infuriated, he nearly threw the crystal rather than tossing it to the leader. Afterwards, he stomped back behind the men as he was told to do. 

The second of the three men eagerly emerged forward towards Karkat while the leader and third man stood back. “Let’s play with him first,” exclaimed on of the men. Kankri gulped, eyes locked on the crystal and the transportation card—out of surprise they… fell for it? In a flash, one of the men had fallen to the floor bleeding, followed by the snickering of Kankri’s unknown friend who yelled curses from atop the small building the alley was located behind.

The attention of the standing two men turned towards the mischievous boy and this gave Kankri a beneficial chance to take action. He focused his gaze towards to leader’s feet and bent down to grab them. Grip. Pull. Bang. He was on the floor while Kankri purposely ran over him, past the third doumb founded man, to grab the transportation card along with the red crystal from the ground. He rushed over to Karkat’s side and stood behind him for defense. “Use your pipe to knock the thrid one down.” His voice was trembling but it calmed him down now because it was time for Karkat to freely throw fits and swings.

He couldn’t believe this shit! Karkat’s hands gripped tighter upon the pipe that he held, trying to think of how to handle the situation since it was evident that these guys could easily snap out of the way of any sort of attack if they so please. His thoughts were practically stopped before they even started as he heard Kankri’s voice fire at him. With a blink to wide eyes, he looked at him, and expression of shock that failed to hide disarray. Could he believe what he was hearing? “What the fuck are you talking about! I am trying to save your life, even after you—” He was grabbed and thrown. Karkat coughed, turning his head to give a watery glare back at him, “You fucking bastard!” His voice broke its ruggedness, his face going pale at what he heard about being ‘sent off’ with the men. “How…How could you! You…” His breath caught as he saw that wink. 

His eyes dashed between Kankri, the boy from before, the group, the crystal, and then back to the start again. The sand scarped from under him as he pulled himself up, having to push the pipe into the debris in order to aide him. Karkat cursed under his breath. Even if Kankri had put on a good show in order to throw those douche bags off, he still managed to rough Karkat up himself. “Nh-” He closed one eye in a wince as he tried his best to position himself with the pipe out as Kankri got behind him after bringing the dude down. Maybe he would be a little impressed, if he still wasn’t a bit pissed off, and if he wasn’t in a lot of pain at the moment due to being bruised and spraining his arm and leg. “So it’s my turn now, hm-” Karkat rushed forward.

Despite his pain, he brought the cylinder down right on the man’s head. It did the job in bringing the officer to collapse…only Karkat didn’t stop there. He continued to swipe the pipe upon the person’s head, smacking his weapon against his cranium over and over, to the point where it was unneeded. He just…couldn’t stop though. The troll was literally seeing red—not in a metaphorical sense, as blood started to stream from a broken skull. The whole time Karkat was wordless, which made for what he was doing to be that much more unsettling. He didn’t even feel his own pain anymore; all he cared about was jarring the figure. Even as silent tears streaked down his face, all Karkat did was bat the body into oblivion…but the truth was, was that it was all a subconscious act, and he had no concept that he ceased the man a long time ago. 

His legs, arms and hands ached. He felt as if the bullets in his throat were purposely trying to choke him. Kankri glanced towards Karkat’s face at that moment and examined the condition he was in. Upon noticing that the other troll had bruised himself as well, he absentmindedly extended his arm to help Karkat stand properly but seized it back, figuring it would only tick Karkat off. It was weird fighting the authority of this uncanny place, but being honest with himself, Kankri wasn’t minding it. He would refuse to acknowledge the fact that once upon a time, two Vantas’s were demolished here.

“Be caref—-” His eyes dropped wide and dull as he saw the blood splash all around. He started to tremble at the sight of Karkat beating the creature to death? What’s… happening? Is this Karkat? Tearing his eyes away from the gruesome scene, Kankri refocused them back at the dumb little card. To his distress, the card commanded a finger print and unfortunately that meant that only the unconscious leader could install it’s functions. Looking around, his eyes met his old friend’s. “Jack! Take it and get out of here!” With those shaky words, he threw the card high enough for Jack to swing his arm and catch it firmly. Afterwards, he tossed his eyes back towards Karkat. “Stop, that’s enough!”

Kankri dashed forward and immediately wrapped his arms around Karkat to be able to push him back. This was madness. “He's already out, stop!” Karkat didn’t look like he was in any mood to stop which got Kankri even more concerned. He didn’t hold back though, and continued to drag the younger troll away from the officer. He kept a firm grip around Karkat so he wouldn’t struggle out. “Throw that pipe away!” At that moment, his own body had given up and he clumsily tripped back. Collapsing on the ground with Karkat on the side, he released a long tired groan while staring at his blood stained hands with watery eyes.

They were pushing him to the edge, this whole time, only Karkat didn’t know it. It was like there was a group of people, slowly walking forward as Karkat walked backwards from them. His opposites steps being the curses and insults he yelled at the others all the time, but yet the whole while that he was being ‘pushed’, he still spoke embracing words to the ones advancing at him. Then he’d reach the end of that cliff and fall…And, Karkat ‘fell’ as he wailed on the stranger: just letting it all out, his actual anger and frustration that he held towards the world, life, and his own life…his own life that had been taken away from him. It was the sort of emotion that could not be subsided by simple screaming and insults. The worst part was…was that for a moment he even thought he pictured him beating up Kankri, or maybe it was just hearing his voice that caused it. 

He barely breathed to begin with during his assault but when he was grabbed, Karkat coughed due from actually losing his breath for a second. It was almost like being pulled out of a lake of tar that had been drowning him, ironically as the metaphor is. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” He yelled, still swinging the weapon. He had no intentions of ceasing himself, even if against his conscious will. It was a good thing that Kankri had actually lost his footing and fell, bringing him down as well. It caused for him to drop the pipe, the sand sticking to the blood that was doused on it as it hit the ground. 

Karkat kept his eyes closed for a minute, perhaps as a way to subside the pain that seemed to have found its way home to him again. “Shit…” He breathed lightly as he then looked back at Kankri near him, “….” He was just silent then for a minute, maybe even more. It was his damn tears again. They acted like tape over his mouth. His face was lacking any expression despite the red water upon it. “…I think…I need an ablution….” 

“H-Hah… It’s not only you who needs it,” he responded, gulping down the thick bullets. The shock had totally overtaken him—That Karkat’s weapon had nearly chopped his head off which traumatized him for a moment. Moving his hand up, he felt a slimy liquid sliding down his cheek which was his own blood caused by a scratch. Kankri took in a deep breath, closing his eyes as the world closed up on him like and eyelid, trying to put his thoughts in their categories. It was all so messed up and frustrating. What had they gotten themselves into? And to accept the fact that it was his own fault, was like having his heart ripped out over and over again. He should have just left Karkat and ended the conversation when he had turned his back on him, and just… walk away. But he hadn’t, he had to argue over insignificant matters and pretenses, and this was possibly the price he was paying. What hurt him most was that, Karkat didn’t deserve any of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( The friend of Kankri that appears was suppose to be an original NPC in the role play, but somehow along the way as the story progressed, Kankri's writer/mun just decided to just make him Jack Frost from RoTG, due to his name, so you get a bit of a corssover? ))


	3. Spinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How come it is easier to give into temptation at night?

Kankri’s thoughts snap when his body ache’s all over again. He feels the headache attaching him like a nail being pinned against the wall by a hammer. Out of exhaustion, he lies back down next to Karkat being completely phlegmatic at that moment. He couldn’t put the words together… He was trying to say something… but how? His eye twitched, lips curled and neck felt sore. While slightly turning his gaze towards Karkat, he said dryly, “I’m sorry.” What more was there to say? Kankri was aware of the fact that “Sorry” is just an excuse to get yourself away from trouble if you say it many times; but not this apology, he really meant it. And maybe Karkat would forgive him? Maybe. Perhaps not today, perhaps not now, perhaps… some other day.

Quietly shifting his body, he sat back up and tried to haul himself back onto his feet. He winced a few times but managed anyways. To subside the sting in his arm, he planted a hand on the bruised and kept a light pressure on it. “Jack’s gone; they’re gone.” Swinging his gaze around, Kankri noticed that a few people were staring and poking their heads out from the corner of the alley. To his predictions, it was evident that they’d all start gathering around them until someone called more security. Standing in front of Karkat, he bent down to offer a hand,

“It’s a wise choice to get out of here now before they come again…Need a hand?”

Why couldn’t this all be an actual dream? Maybe it was, because he had a way of dying in his dreams. But no, this affliction in both his mind and body proved otherwise. Funny as it was, as Kankri was blaming himself for all this, so was Karkat in his own thoughts. Why did he have to challenge every little thing that he disagreed with? Why couldn’t he just let things go? Thanks to all his bickering with Kankri, he was now laying in a pile of sand, literally half-dead. It was just the thing that made them both Cancers…the thing that made him both related. 

He watched all of Kankri’s movements closely, the whole while he kept telling himself to get up, but his legs just weren’t obeying the command. His internal screaming was easily killed by the sound of the other’s voice just then. Karkat blinked once slowly, his expression falling morose. That statement…it was different from the way that Kankri had spoken it before. 

A response was null and void. Karkat just slowly glanced away. Maybe if he had been in a better state, he could manage some form of coherent words, but not now. God, why did the world feel like it was in slow motion?

”Mn…” Karkat winced a bit in spot as Kankri got to his feet and offered the aide to him. For a moment he glared, but he knew very well himself that they had to get out of this area as fast as possible. He knew there was no way he could do this on his own with the state he was in. “Fine.” A shaky hand reached out to grab Kankri’s. He latched his fingers tightly around his as he pulled himself to his feet with much effort. Though once he was up, Karkat practically fell against Kankri, to which he rapidly tried his best to inch back from him. “Fuck…come on, lets find a place to stay or something. I don’t want to be out in sight…” So a coherent thought was born finally, as it was a way to hide a simple statement of ‘lets go hide.’ 

He held a firm and tight grip around Karkat’s hand in order to support him. He was a bit caught off guard when the other sort of fell against him, nevertheless, he held onto him until he was stable on his feet again. He refused to show it, but Kankri was dying to break down. Everything his eyes blinked upon shot a cold sting to bite his bruises and have him crumble to the floor like dust. Glancing at Karkat for motivation, he tried his best to walk forward without trembling.

He tosses his gaze around in several directions. Maybe they should go back to the bridge—But no, there are possible chances authority will be there to knock them shut in prison. Perhaps, these beat up buildings could shelter them for a while. Thinking this through, it seemed like the buildings would be best support.

Walking up the stairs to an old shack, Kankri coughed due to the dust particles roaming in the air. He used his sleeve to cover up his nose and walked to peer out the window. There was a crowed, still a bit stunned by the incident in the alley, but it seemed they were clueless as to where the Vantas’s had run of to. This was fine. Safe. They’ll manage to survive here without being killed. He leans against the wall and slides down, then turning to make eye contact with Karkat. “You should rest. Sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

One of the things that cause for all of Karkat’s internal chaos and ail, was his intelligence level. Even if he was half dead…or half knocked out, he was still aware of his surroundings at that moment. It was so easy to read Kankri. It was so easy to detect his distress, his woe, and his shattering. The two of them we practically like walking funerals. Karkat couldn’t help but to feel like Kankri’s coffin was him. Could it have been his denial of him, of everything, that was making him this way?

God, why did he have to think so much? It hurt to begin with, and now it was just that more painful due to the physical pain that was eating him. It was almost torturous to walk like this, and he even had to hold his own arm into place as it hung down due to how it was sprained. 

Then when they found the shack, Karkat gave an audible sigh of annoyance, but he still closely followed Kankri inside, practically over him. “This isn’t exactly what I had in mind…” He shared a cough as well just before declining down next to his ancestor, “Yeah…I’ll feel better when I wake up?” He groaned, his voice tired, “…See…I’m right, you’re actually a stupid shit…” He closed his eyes, and without realizing he rested his head against the other’s shoulder, “I don’t need to get infected on top of all this by breathing in asbestos and mold…can’t you…” his words were starting to drift off as he was, “your dumb little friend to get…us a room…actual.” Sleep had won. 

He kept his eyes fixated on Karkat. He studied his movements and glanced away when he had scooted next to him. A faint smile touched Kankri’s lips when Karkat spoke again and he was quite surprised by the fact that, despite all this madness, the impact it had on Karkat wasn’t strong enough to change him. He was still the complaining brat he’s always been.

Sleep was useless to Kankri even if he wanted it. So instead, he stayed awake and listened to Karkat rant weakly. “I’ll explain everything when you wake up, just… shut up and sleep.” He scoffed and slowly raised the shoulder to offer support, careful not the interrupt the now sleeping Karkat. He tilted his head just the slightest bit to rest it against the younger trolls. It was a long day; they both deserved rest.

Kankri spent the rest of the time in silence. Watching, examining, and keeping open ears for any sign of trouble. He’s already caused enough trouble, it’s best to at least be protective even if they’ve found shelter. Hours pass and he starts to notice the daylight dying with each minute, the chattering of the people, or creatures, was turning quiet as night took over.

When his own eyelids started to scroll down, at that very moment he heard footsteps. To his relief, they weren’t located inside the building they were in, but rather outside the window. He implicitly believed that it was the troublesome authority that was currently marching down the streets. He wondered what they were up to this time… probably to stick up signs of the wanted Vantas’s who were responsible for 2 murders? Kankri started trembling. What if things were about to get even worse? Karkat was out in deep sleep, but he dared not to wake him up.

'What a shitty sleep.' It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to sleep in a city’s decaying building to begin with, and then to have multiple wounds on top of it all? Despite this, there was no fighting the body’s need to calm down. Thanks to his nerves though, it wasn’t like he would allow himself to slumber for too long and too deep. Actually, Karkat wasn’t sure what had awoke him: His trepidation, the marching outside, or Kankri’s trembling?

Karkat blinked himself slowly back to. He winced as it felt like he got shot by some special sort of freak gun that fired bullets that exploded aching. He grunted lightly, and then jerked his head up at realizing he was looking at a dirty red sweater. Slight embarrassment took hold of him at realizing how he had fallen asleep against Kankri. He cringed a bit and quickly tried to put something else in his pan, “God damnit…” His voice was raspy, so he coughed to try and gain it back a bit, “Kankri, what the fuck did you do?” He rubbed at one eye, “Those dudes came out of no where. Why where they after you? Or me? Or us? Can you just stop fucking things up—” He bit his lip as he realized he didn’t exactly want to say that last thought he had out loud but it happened all too late.

Silence always manages to have you locked under the control of unsorted thoughts. Funny, because at that moment you stay still and even things you don’t want to bring to mind shove their way past and make it to the middle of your mind. A whole wave of thoughts with questions at their tails but no answer to follow the trial. Sometime later… he started to ask himself that if Karkat made it out of here alive and he didn’t, was he leaving behind some reasons to be missed?

He cringed himself and slowly moved away, a quick blush tickling his cheeks. There was a moment of awkward silence which Karkat decisively broke away. “Oh, well, after you—” If he had visible pupils, you could see him shift his eyes to the corner to glance at Karkat. A frown took place. So, he’s still fucking things up even after saving his life? Alright.

Clearing his throat, “After you left, those three men showed up and demanded I hand them over this jewel. That assured my thoughts that it’s obviously rare and contains a sort of natural energy that might mean something precious, or significant to them. It’s the type of energy source that can bring you back to life… fully, I think. Since you aren’t completely dead like me. This seems to be the only cure I can come up with.” Feeling his throat dry out he coughs again before speaking in a lower tone, “When I escaped from there, I figured they’d have your presence and location tracked down too, and it was obvious they’d come for the second piece. That’s when I tried to get you out from there.” It become harder for him to talk so he decided to be the silent one now, tossing his gaze out to the side and away from Karkat’s eyes so he can take a clear view of the stars that luminously glowed out in the dark blue night sky of this supernatural land.

Being in such agony made it impossible for Karkat to hide the declaration of it. Karkat simply didn’t have the energy to make sure he wasn’t showing his emotions. That is, it wasn’t the physical affliction that caused for him to have such a down hearten look plastered over him. It was this extreme feeling of guilt that he just couldn’t shake due to that simple last sentence he had just spoken to Kankri. Why did it bother him so much? ‘I’m not the one that should be feeling guilty here!’ He tried to silence the voice in his head as Kankri answered him, but it took more effort than convincing the color black was actually white. 

The hidden truth was that it was the way that the other Vantas had apologized to him before. Karkat had been enraged and feeling desensitized to his words and actions before that point, and it was the fact that he had not, or could not bring himself to, accept the apology. The unfortunate part for the moment, however, was that Karkat didn’t know that was the reason why the thorn was placed into him. 

Karkat just wanted to push away how he was feeling so bad. He hated the sting of sadness and the choke of death. 

While Kankri continued to speak, Karkat rubbed at his face. He knew he should have been extremely angry at what he was hearing, but instead he was just getting even more melancholic. “Stop it…just shut up!” He snapped his head back up to look at Kankri, nothing but being pensive as he stared at him with a watering intensive look in his dead eyes, “Can you just STOP lying!? I get that you feel guilty for what you did, but don’t take me as an idiot! Why can’t you just accept that you…accept things, and stop filing in details that aren’t there! You could have just told me that they wanted that stupid thing we found, and they some how knew it wasn’t just your paws on it, so they came for me…you didn’t have to….” He turned his head back down. 

Without realizing it, Karkat wrapped his fingers firmly around the cuff of Kankri’s sweater. Maybe he thought he had been squeezing his own clothes to try and subside his emotions, “…You didn’t have to make up that bullshit about it being the fucking grail to be the thing to bring me back. You DON’T know that! You had no fucking clue what it was when we found it. We have no idea…where the fuck we are…it could be anything to these people!” He shook his head, eyes closed tightly. There was still no rage, only a broken somber. “It’s just making it worse, you know…the way you’re trying so hard to bring false optimism. Stop…please.” 

“And have you ever tried to stop lying to yourself?” He doesn’t notice the expression Karkat wore since his gaze doesn’t budge and remains aimed towards the ceiling. Doesn’t even shiver or tremble. It’s too late anyways; the warmth that had settled itself between the two when Karkat was asleep had been completely conquered by the icy breeze. He could feel the fabric of the red sweater turn cold, and for a moment, a twist of rage lit inside Kankri. “Are you saying that every step that I took to get you out of there was a mistake? And you say I’m arrogant. I don’t know what you’re expecting of me Karkat, but try to picture yourself under the pressure of walking in my shoes.”

He wanted to speak, wanted to protest, wanted to stop the guilt from throttling him and stop all the words in his head from saying what he spat out. Each word was like a push down the cave that lead them here in the first place, followed by a boulders they had pushed down to come and crush his shoulders and add twice the weight there. “Just… stop. You’re smothering me.” His gaze shifted back down, towards his dirty shoes. His eyes were half lidded upon a face that defined stolid, “Everything that you 'think' I am, is shattering. True, there’s no basic proof that this can bring you back to life, but please… Don’t break down this tiny bit of hope I have left. I’m scared. And I know you are too… You’re—” He glanced towards the crystal, shifting his eyes afterwards to glance at Karkat’s hand, “—holding too tightly onto your misery, only in fear of losing control of yourself.”

He squints, shivering due to the cold. Emptiness clutched his heart but he forbids himself for breaking down tears for the sake of keeping his sick hope alive. The warmth of Karkat’s hand reminded him of the agony that struck him upon being dead, and every so slowly, he twitched. “It’s depressing how you’re so disturbed all the time, lost under the surface of every situation without even trying to believe there’s a solution to it. It’s alright; I know that because I’m like that too. However, I’m deciding to change that… absurd, much? But it’s worth a shot.”

Curling his knees up, Kankri rested his head back against the damaged wall and scrolled down his eyes. The crystal rested on the palm of his hand, just… glowing. Just that little object that had seized so much trouble is kind enough to hold some of Kankri’s hope in finding a solution to this problem. What hurt him was that he was the only one holding onto it, and what scared him was that he’s slowly losing it. Now he was lost in what to expect… Resentment? A beat up maybe? Or just undying silence?

He started shivering since the night’s tendency was to get colder and he could even see the visible transparent white cloud fog out when he spoke. “Why do you think I’m trying to save you so desperately? I could have just abandoned you there and go back without having to face this much trouble. I could have just lied to everyone that you died a tragic death and went along with it. However, I didn’t, and it’s not only because I feel guilty about my outrageous actions, but it’s because I care about you.”

“I don’t lie to myself! I may choose to only show certain things, or leave certain details out when presenting myself to others, but I-don’t-fucking-lie-to-myself. That’s why I fucking hate myself! You get—” No, it seemed like Kankri wasn’t going to give him a short response. Stiffly he turned his head back up to look at the other as he spoke to him, maybe even spoke down to him…Karkat wondered. He had been lucky about escaping sermons for a while, but…was this one of them? He narrowed one eye as he listened to the other Cancer. This didn’t feel like one of Kankri’s typical lectures. It actually felt like he was speaking from his heart instead of some scripted bullshit in his mind. 

Even if what Kankri was saying was sincere, that didn’t make what he was saying any better. Karkat, once again, felt like he just wanted to punch him. His anger was suddenly fighting his sadness. So badly he wanted to snap at him, but he bit his tongue-literally. 

Then the final words came: …because I care about you. For a split second, Karkat’s eyes widened, but he rapidly looked away only to look back all within the same motion. There he then looked at him with apathy. It wasn’t acted, but authentic apathy. He was waiting for Kankri to continue, but there was only silence from then on from the other troll. “Are you done now?” 

With a groan, Karkat detached his fingers from that sweater and shifted his body so that he could be a bit in front of him in order to have a better look, “Even after all of this, you are still a self-pitying, condescending asshole- You may care about me, yeah…I’m not going to dispute that you do, but that doesn’t change your assholery. How can you sit there and spout off this garbage about what an insecure privileged liar I am? You make it sound like I am some rich high-blood troll girl that has her lusus go as far to lick her butt clean, while you are this poor and starving prince in disguise! Well I-am-so-fucking-sorry if I’m only wearing ONE of your shoes instead of both! I’m only half of what you are, right? And I will never be anything better than that…ahah…hah…” His laugh was not mocking, but rather dreary, “So yes, I am saying that every step you took was a mistake. I’m am saying you’re arrogant, and I am saying you’re wrong in assuming that it’s only you has pressure from being constipated with the weight of the cosmos. I’ve been through so much myself. I’m a leader too!”

Without being conscience of it, he ended up hugging his knees to his chest then, making the two of them be that much similar even more, “I asked you not to fucking tease me with these false positive endings, because it’s only making the reality hurt that much more! Then you turn around and tell me to not to tell you to not have hope, because it’s the only thing that helps your hurt feelings!? You fucking killed me, and you still want me to just sit back and let YOU have all the control! I’m not afraid to lose control, I’m afraid to not have any…because that’s just going to kill me all over again, if I just let you tug me around on a short red leash.”

He let go of a heavy breath as he loosened his posture then, “And it’s not being faithless. It’s not being depressing. It’s being accurate! I just see the world and life for what it really is, and it’s not sunshine and fucking yum-yums.” Karkat reached forward, grabbing the orb right from Kankri if he could, “And this? You know what this really is? It’s a fucking red stone that glows!” He tossed the thing then as far as he could away from them, into the darkness of the building. 

His remains silent and lowers his gaze as Karkat speaks. It was typical; of course the other would protest back and yell at him. However, the mention of the accident, the insults, and the crystal… His brain blocked out, or at least tried to block out, Karkat’s voice from reaching his head and instead pay attention to the noise of the night. Unfortunately, quite the contrary happened. His hands clutched but only to realize that the crystal was missing from his it and thrown far away from him. Something started shaking inside him, something fragile broke, and something made him realize he’s made another mistake. He trusted his heart into speaking again.

Kankri had no intentions of looking at Karkat, at least momentarily, but he couldn’t help it. His own expression grieved pain, agony, shattered feelings, but most of all, there was disappointment when he met gazes with the younger troll. He’s one of them, the voice echoed in his head. It wasn’t surprising that the clatter of broken pieces was only audible to him as he felt it was his own dead little heart detaching from him.

'He’s one of them.'

One of the people who never understood him, or listened to him, never cared either. Kankri knew this was the reason why he never shared anything from the heart, and it was rare that he ever managed to share how he felt. The hate he received twisted him in the inside, but all for what? He shared his knowledge to try and educate people so they reach no harm. So they already know about what they’re dealing with and can save themselves. He’s never been attention hungry, and he’s not daft either. Kankri wouldn’t be a fool and talk nonstop bullshit blaster to people who don’t even listen, especially Karkat at this point, but… it hurt. It hurt to know that one person who shares the same blood as you fails to acknowledge how you felt. The agony of being torn down added more sorrow to his frown and with a slow movement, he moved his arm to wipe at his eyes.

And here he thought Karkat of all people might understand. True, they aren’t the same person, but the pain they share is equal. At that moment, he felt a craving while staring at Karkat? What was it? Angst? Anger? No, something… different. Shaking his head, he pulled himself together and tried to capture his typical no-care expression again and shifted in his position to stagger back onto his feet. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t feel like talking back, or at least letting out a sound. Nothing.

His dead eyes took time to adjust to the dark since they were exhausted, as well as his body. He shifted his eyes in search of the crystal and once the sight was caught, he let’s out a sigh and attempts to make his way there while refraining to make any physical contact with Karkat.

It would come any time now…any time…right? Karkat waited. He thought that by throwing that damn thing away, that it would make him feel better. He didn’t expect it to be a cure-all, but he thought that by getting rid of the orb, putting his energy into chucking it, that it would help him also get rid of some of the stress and pressure he was feeling…but it didn’t happen. At all. 

He made a very short, very hard, noise in his throat at feeling like he had been the one to make things worse at that moment just by doing that simple action. His gaze traveled away from the darkness and back to Kankri’s eyes. He felt very stiff, very uncomfortable (in a whole different manner) at that second. That look he was getting from the other…it killed him. It killed him worse than actually what did kill him. “Shit…” He breathed the word in a whisper as he saw the way Kankri appeared as if he was going to break down sobbing. 

‘Please just stop looking at me like that…’ Karkat repeated over and over in his head. He didn’t like the look he was receiving at all, because he didn’t know what it was. He couldn’t place a name to the emotion that Kankri was giving him. 

His own brow lifted in distress, and he lifted his hand, but it froze midway. 

Soon he was no longer looking at the other, but up at him as Kankri got to his feet. Karkat canted his head a bit as he watched him go for the gem. “God damnit…will you just give it a fucking rest-” Karkat sputtered. He stood up then so fast, that it caused him to be dizzy for a moment, but he wouldn’t give in to it. “That fucking thing is only going to get us in more trouble!” He stepped after Kankri, reaching his hand out to go grab his arm. “I know it’s important to you since I’m important to you and…” His own words slapped him in the face. That sound of his own voice saying that acted as a nail into his spinning head. 

He’d stop himself then, completely ceased in spot, but still remaining with his hold onto his ancestor’s arm if he had him. 

Surprise overcame his expression as he turn around to face Karkat once again. He was centimeters away from the crystal but currently was distracted by the younger troll that looked as if he was traumatized. He didn’t understand… what had happened? There was this intensity between them as their gazes locked but Kankri fully anticipating in breaking it when he couldn’t take any more, quickly glancing between the crystal and Karkat. “Karkat, I—-” He cut himself off. What’s the point about asking him if he’s alright? He doesn’t desire for me to care anyways, he thought out loud to himself.

He decided to abandon Karkat and yanked his arm away to pace his way towards the red thumb-sized crystal. He bent down to scoop it up, afterwards turning back to Karkat. “You—What is it now?” That same expression seizes upon Kankri’s face as he desperately tries to lock his eyes anywhere else that isn’t Karkat’s gaze.

There’s this common feeling among the damaged people… a feeling of pity. When you actually open your eyes and realize what you’ve lost, and what you have gained. That moment where you realize what you want and don’t want, or where you belong and don’t belong. The quite contrary of every emotion that you contain. The sensation Kankri had felt before comes rushing back when his eyes meet Karkat’s again, but this time, the gaze is fixed. Locked. Stuck. 'I don’t understand; stop looking at him you fool! What are you even doing?', his mind raced as he wore a rather puzzled expression. 'Stop looking at him, what am I even doing…? he screamed inside his head.'

God this made him so mad! It was…a different sort of anger than what he usually experienced. Out of everyone, Karkat had one of the highest intellect quotients. He was not dumb at all, he was just in denial. The crab was his patron. He hid within a shell, and swung his claws to keep others away. And it was due to that abnegation, that Karkat would remain shortsighted to certain things. This was, of course, only when it came to his own issues. He could direct and aide anyone else with their dilemma….red and black dilemma. 

He just stood there, his eyebrow twitching and his teeth clenched tightly as he watched over Kankri’s movements, not liking the revelation that came with the wave in his ocean. “I hate you-” He growled through his teeth, the sentence being the snap that broke his embittered expression. The statement was spoken with a voice that held anything but hate, however. 

He looked at Kankri looking at him, the stare acting like some sort of chain that wouldn’t let him go. “I hate that you…won’t fucking listen to me. I hate that no matter how many times I tell you to just give up that stupid red turd, that you refuse to even budge on the matter. I hate that your feeling for me keeps you blind to any sort of deterioration from anything that you deem was positive or helpful for me…even if it is your own delusion. I hate that you won’t back down for me, no matter how many times I tell you to! I hate that even fucking moirails will walk away after the first few times of one half saying no.” He clenched his fists to try and keep them from trembling. “So you want to know what it is now? That’s what it is-” He barely added then, his voice sounding somewhat dozy, “…you leave my head spinning.” 

His brows knit while Karkat takes his time to spit his feelings towards him. Hate, hate, hate. Pulling his gaze back to the younger troll, Kankri awkwardly twitched upon realizing they couldn’t take their eyes off each other at the moment. Karkat hadn’t exactly answered his question, but instead, spat out the contrary of what Kankri had revealed from his heart. It brought him down a little, but then again, this is Karkat.

Kankri knew this isn’t what most patrons would be generous enough to do, let alone pre-scratch forms. But… he just couldn’t. Maybe he’s naive, or weak. That nagging feeling of being left alone in the dark is far too nostalgic to him, and it’s always been something that he’s been close to. The fact that he’s been the only troll who hasn’t filled a single quadrant in his whole sweeps of living with anyone, even after his death, until a few weeks ago is in fact quite shocking. The thought of understanding how the common feelings work is difficult for him to understand in many ways, and he knows that very well because he’s screwed up several times in being a good moirail to Latula.

He closed his eyes momentarily as Karkat continued to speak; often opening is mouth to protest but gathering all his strength to hold his tongue back. He stood straight, clutching the gem in his hand while he kept a frozen gaze fixated with Karkat’s eyes. 'You leave my head spinning', is expression took a change into something more alive. With his brows raised, eyes widening, lips melted into a frown, he shifted his weight around. Kankri slowly, but very carefully, stepped closer to the younger troll but kept a safe distance. “So…” sweeping his gaze across the floor and back to Karkat, “I leave your head spinning from talking too much? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

His chest literally hurt from how severely his blood bladder was pounding against it, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not keep his hands from quivering in the fists. For not one second did Karkat withdraw his observation upon Kankri. Even if he had wanted to, he knew he couldn’t—but that’s just it: it had gotten to the point where he wanted to look at him. He wanted to try and read him. He wanted to see how what he said would effect him or not. 

That frown…what did it mean? While his head did feel like it was going around in circles making him woozy, his body felt just the opposite. He felt so heavy, like he would fall any moment, and no longer was Karkat sure if that was from his injuries or not. Spewing everything he had just did caused for him to feel a point that was beyond the last stop of the anxiety train. 

Ever so slowly, he jerked his body upright some as Kankri drew nearer. At hearing what he did then, his face twisted into all sorts of things at once, anger, embarrassment, disbelief, disappointment, and it took stomping his foot on the ground to stable himself, “GOD DAMNIT! NO!” He yelled so hard, it caused for the fogging from his breath to be extra heavy. Karkat closed his eyes tightly, trying to actually straighten the dizziness he felt. But, all too soon he was right back to looking at his ancestor as if his eyes were addicted to him or something, “You’re a….we’re both under the same astrological sign—can’t you figure it out!” He swallowed tightly with an awkward pause, “…shit, because I’m not sure that I can…,” or, he didn’t want to.

He stopped abruptly when Karkat’s expression took a twist, cringing as he yelled. For a moment, a blush invaded his cheek out of humiliation. Why was he the one getting scolded? The last sentence threw him off as he put up a childish-like stubborn expression of disapproval. What did Karkat…mean by that?

“I—Figure out what?” There was that intensity, burning as they locked gazes again. He couldn’t work out what Karkat’s was trying to hint out by adding in the zodiac signs in the subject. Of course Kankri already knew that, but was the missing link? It wasn’t making sense to Kankri as he shot another puzzled expression. He was distracted, very badly. He couldn’t help but just blankly stare at the other while that odd feeling teased him from behind. He couldn’t quite catch what it’s called either! He was… what? Wanting something?

“You’re too loud,” his eye twitched as he took a step closer with the same slow pace as before. “Calm down, will you? And shut up while you’re at it.” It was like he was taking control now, since Karkat’s pause had given Kankri the advantage to start talking. “You haven’t answered my question, what do you want?” He was standing right in front of Karkat now, his eyes slightly narrowed as he stared right into Karkat. He was anxious and curious to find out what the atmosphere was carrying between them right now, and he wanted Karkat to know as well if they ever end up knowing it. The exhaustion was slowly taking over him as he let out a sigh, slight concern punching his face.

Figure what out. Karkat threw his hands up within his hair, tugging on it lightly out of both ambivalence at the general situation, and out of his self-hatred gnawing at him ever so harshly again. He spoke a few more f-bombs in grumbles, but he bit his lip and loosely dropped his hands back at his sides at seeing that slight color change in Kankri’s face. He didn’t care if it was from anger, frustration, or whatever, he just knew he liked it. Despite that, it didn’t help his mood any. In fact, it actually made him feel ever worse. “Fuuuuuuckkkkk-” He groaned loudly as he was told to settle. 

At this, Karkat let out a laugh, “Ahaha, you? You telling me to shut up?” He bellowed some more, but it ceased all too shortly and almost out of place as his breath stopped midway when he found himself open-eyed at Kankri completely in front of him with an acute gaze on him. “God, I also fucking hate your eyes…even the lack of them.” His tone shifted again to something faint, “They’re like those fucking insect zappers in this deathening darkness…like literally. This darkness here is going to be the fucking death of me in a whole ‘nother way…but it won’t just fucking stop there, you know? Because after this damn blackness has its way with me in a few moments, fuck—it already has invaded me, there is also your damn eyes.” Karkat’s voice was still soft as he also failed to hide his insecurity that he so desperately battled every second, “Your fucking goddamn holes with your glowing white soul. It’s a trap. These damn worthless bugs can’t find their way in the night, so they stupidly go to the only light source there is around and…” He gave a blank minded smile, but it was out of bitterness at feeling his cheeks burn, “….and when they go to it, and touch it, it kills them—game over. So they either have a choice to die in the darkness, or to die by the light…and look who is the one who is talking non-stop now…hahah…about stupid fucking bugs with black curtains.” Karkat’s hand trembled so much more at that moment. He slowly forward it to place upon, no, stroke upon Kankri’s hand, the one that held the the jewel. It wouldn’t have been just a simple small touch either, but something lingering and languishing.

He was quiet, carefully listening to everything Karkat was saying. He squinted hard when his own eyes were insulted, and he almost let out another sigh as Karkat started trailing on about stupid insects and… wait, what’s he doing? Kankri’s eyes wide as they never seized to leave Karkat’s and a small smile crawled upon Kankri’s lips, as well as a soft titter. The smile looks somewhat helpless since his brows are knitted, and he realizes what Karkat’s doing.

“You’re changing the subject,” he interrupted as his brow arched. “What even—,” Now his eyes aim down, breaking the glance and fixed on Karkat’s hand momentarily. Many thoughts occur to him when he felt the touch, and many odd types of emotion as well. 'I also hate your fucking eyes', the thought rang like buzzers through his mind.

When he noticed Karkat’s head drop, he leaned in just a bit, turning his head to catch a glimpse of Karkat’s face. “You know, I use to have red eyes when I was alive,” it was a random statement that he felt tempted to add. For that moment, the memories of having eyes were let alone amiss. He’s dead, and nothing can ever change that. Closing his eyes, he extended only his index finger to have it brush again Karkat’s hand, feeling assured once when he felt the warmth. What were they waiting for? He felt nervous and leaned back again, digging his head ever so slightly to have his mouth covered by the neck wall of his blood stained sweater.

He knew it was all in his head, but Karkat felt like his damn blush must have been radiating so vigorously, that it must have been causing the whole building to glow a brighter red than that damn fucking stone. The thoughts that littered his pan yelled at him to stop what he was doing, but his hand would not obey. Then, when Kankri inched down to speak those words to him, Karkat only mirrored the motion of lowering himself in his attempts to keep his face hidden. “Yeah…I know. You’d think I wouldn’t? I’m practically you.” He cringed at those words. “…but I’m completely not, and you are—” He bit down on his lip as he felt that digit glide on his hand then. 

Karkat’s own petting motions halted at that second, though he did not remove his touch from Kankri. With strain, he looked up at him; feeling completely insubstantial, and his body and facial expression displayed that perfectly. What were they waiting for? 

Kankri would no doubt feel Karkat’s hand shaking over his. He breathed softly as he lifted the back of his feet up in order to try to reach him better. He angled himself in closer and tilted his head slightly, but…halted half way. His heels fell back flat against the dusty floor, and he detached his hand from his. “…shit…” He whispered under his breath, though some how sounding like he had just ran the world’s longest marathon. 

It was detecting the other’s movements that caused for him to stop what he was about to do. Karkat had taken note to the way that Kankri had not only shifted back those seconds before, but more so…it was the way that he had noted upon doing so, that Kankri had subtly fell into his sweater to have his lips hidden by it all. 

“…shit…” He repeated again. “…death by the light…” He thought out loud without realizing it, but it was still barely audible. 

The timing was precise; Kankri had leaned away from Karkat the moment the younger troll had made up his mind into leaning forward. Kankri had felt the presence inch close despite having his eyes closed. The world was closing up to him, his mind echoed Karkat’s name, the tip of his fingers enjoying the pleasure of warmth that heated itself.

When he heard the younger troll swear, he simultaneously felt the sweet warmth fade away as well. Kankri’s blank eyes slowly opened, his hand hesitantly reaching forward to make contact with Karkat’s hand. Playing with the other troll’s fingers at first, another frown crawled upon his lips as he entwined his fingers with his. He didn’t want to warmth to leave, he didn’t want to cold to take over, he didn’t want to be the only one holding on to the crystal.

The red little gem rested in between the grip of their hands as Kankri slowly lifted his head and twisted his gaze to the side. His left eye twitched upwards awkwardly as his eyebrows knitted, the frown remaining as a blush clouded upon his pale cheeks. He slowly growled under his breath while slowly pushing Karkat into coming closer, “I’m offended that you hesitated at that moment. Anyways, I’m not sure if I’m the type… to… hesitate…But it’s not like I care anymore, whatever, do whatever you wish. I… uh—It’s none of my business as you said, and … I find it highly offensive that you keep using phrases that remind me of my death—Just, well—Rude, I—” The blush deepened as his expression thickened. 'I’m screwing this up, dang it…'

He wasn’t good at this, and he knew it. To expression a feeling was like climbing walls of triggers to him, but he wasn’t about to let this small type of awkward enchantment lose against the cold winter weather that was bestowed upon this uncanny little place. “I-I’m no good with words, but these are… the words I was holding back—wait,” he was being daft, he knew it, but he couldn’t get over the want that was taking over him. At an extremely sluggish pace, he leaned closer, and closer….Dang, the nervousness was getting to him and his expression revealed that as his eyes had widened due to shyness. Kankri halts just inches away from Karkat’s lips and drops his gaze to the ground to have his bangs cover up his eyes.

He screwed it up, didn’t he?

It did…it felt so cold all of a sudden. It was almost like he had just become aware of how frigged it actually was. Damn. He shivered, but that quick shake was taken away from him as he felt fingers meet his own. Karkat hastily looked up, his sight finding Kankri’s optics again, as if it was some sort of hook that he could not break. 

Then his hand was pressed against completely, the round object ringing them together. Karkat’s mouth gaped as his eyes felt like they had become so large from shock as Kankri closed the space between them. The same red color was shared over his own face. This was…so unexpected. He had offended Kankri? ‘Damn, I know it’s easy to offend him, but…,’ he didn’t expect not…not touching him would offend him. Karkat knew, hell—everyone knew, of Kankri’s celibacy, and he had not put it past him for that celibacy to include even hugging. It was why Karkat had detached himself, hit himself with an invisible hammer, with seeing how Kankri had appeared to have ‘sealed’ his lips from his. It was like he had known of what he would end up doing, and his body language had been a sign to tell him to stay back. 

Everything was being turned upside down now. There was no mistaking that the other Cancer was craving the same thing. One would have to be an idiot not to detect that, with that cherry paint smothered all over Kankri’s face, the way he was…

‘Oh God!’ The tip’s of Karkat’s fingers trembled at how close Kankri’s mouth was to his. A short and deep breath pressed from his nose as his eyelids shut, his quivering fingers then finally wrapping around the other’s, and ….and nothing? With a blink, Karkat opened his eyes to no longer see his relative stare upon him, yet he was still just as close. 

Karkat swallowed with difficulty, then clearing his throat. His eyebrows pressed forward, giving his face a half smug look, “You don’t know if you’re the type to hesitate? I think you just found out…” He faulted the words practically against Kankri’s face, his breath probably being felt. “…and you tell me to do what I wish…what if I wish to push you out of the window here?” He paused to mimic a smile, “Yeah…that would be…” Karkat’s words trailed off as his free hand lifted to touch against Kankri’s face, where he delicately pushed to tilt his head to him again, “…that would be nice…” He pressed forward, closing his eyes once more as he connected his lips over Kankri’s. 

”Hey,” he didn’t quite meet his eyes just yet, but managed to respond when Karkat mocked him. Currently, he was trying to convince himself to believe that he’s breaking his vow, which he head sworn never to do, but he just… couldn’t? Or was it just that shocking? He scoffed under his breath at Karkat’s next statement and in a matter of seconds, he felt the warmth he was holding onto increase, reaching his flushed cheeks. Squinting in surprise, he tilted it his head up to have it tilted to the side before meeting Karkat’s lips with a kiss. 

He seized to become completely immobile, frozen, still. Even more disbelief filling inside of him. Had Karkat just completed is attempted action for him? They shared the same blush right now, the same feeling, and even the same kiss. Embarrassment, shyness, and nervous jumped in all at once, but eventually he leaned into the kiss after failing several times to convince himself to pull away. ”Ngh—.” As odd as he felt at that moment, he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed and feel calm in this tranquil friction between them. Curiosity overcame him as he wondered how Karkat was feeling at the moment and it was cute how they’re kiss was quite simple, but… thrilling.

That vehement conversation and now this moment had caused a whole new blizzard of feelings to crash, burn and change inside Kankri. All throughout these years he’s felt lonesome, and there’s no excuse to cover that up. He had lost his life, many friends in the past, the love of his life to the ‘cool kid’ because he hadn’t realized he was showing mixed feelings, his spirit, his smile and most specifically himself. The kiss however, had seemed to brushed all sorts of different color of paints over the blood red that spilled upon his life. The solitary he’s been attached to starting exposing itself through his expression as his eyes shimmered tremulously. Extending his arms, he quietly wrapped them around Karkat but smiled upon knowing that he might get yelled at about this. But he didn’t care, he was happy for once.

No, he couldn’t let Kankri talk anymore. Karkat had already almost missed his chance by pulling himself away originally, and now that he had him…He really didn’t need to try though, it seemed. It felt like Kankri could have been butter on a grubloaf with the way he accepted his lip’s touch. And yet, was he himself accepting this? One half of his pan wanted this so bad, the other half told himself that he was a stupid fuckass that shouldn’t even be within ten feet of this douche bag. The problem was that the first half was the one controlling his body. 

At that small noise that emitted from the other, Karkat slit his eyes open just a little, a dazed look within them. Sight did not last long, as his lids dropped just as fast. The whole while Karkat kept both his hands in their place: one against Kankri’s, the other practically stroking his face. An abrupt breath fell from him suddenly as he felt those arms embrace him. 

He slanted himself a bit at that moment, breaking their kiss as he gave Kankri a dither look. This barely lasted five seconds before Karkat was back pushing his mouth over the other, only this time it was much more brash, and his hand had moved from his face to the back of his head to lock his fingers within his hair. This was…just another curse of being a Cancer, and he hated it. 

He too opened his eyes when Karkat broke the space between them. Fortunately for Kankri, breathing was futile to him. He didn’t have a reason to breathe. He was dead, and he felt so brisk at the moment that breathing seemed to be irritating and crushing for his lungs. The craving was pressuring him again, and the seconds felt like a perpetual amount of time before Karkat relieved him of his misery by roughly locking their lips again.

His own lips were indeed soft, likewise to Karkat’s. The younger troll had gone quite hard at him, so to avoid stumbling back, he quickly planted a foot back to stable his balance while his hand raced up behind Karkat’s neck to pull him in deeper into the kiss, using the other hand to tighten the captured grip he had on Karkat’s shirt. He was despising every action he participated in, especially the kiss, but in retaliation, he was desiring it even more. They’re hate-love kiss was turning out to be like a game a tug-of-war but instead, they were pushing at each other.

This little osculate had gotten to a point where Kankri lost against Karkat and fell back. Still keeping a hold of himself, he managed to to use his hands to keep him in a sit-up position as Karkat landed on top of him. They hadn’t exactly taken a direct fall, but rather just a trip back. The red clouds had calmed down the past few minutes, but they return back on Kankri’s cheek as he gazes at the other male. As a gasp escapes his lips, there’s a spark of arousement burning in him. He shifts his gaze to Karkat’s hands, noticing then that he had dropped the red crystal behind. Oh no, did he have to speak now? Say just as little as the size of that crystal?

Hell No! His hands nervously rubbed at his face out of frustration at first before he leaned forward again to gently lock lips with Karkat… he couldn’t help it or stop himself.

Another short gasp was exchanged from his mouth into the one he was sealed against, as it only brought Karkat some more surprise when he felt Kankri’s touch not only return on him, but actually cause it so that their lips became embedded with one another even more. If a heavy appetency had not almost completely consumed him by now, Karkat would have been staring at Kankri in a wide-eyed shock, but there was only a small space left in his pan now that allowed for any sort of rational thinking. It was somewhat humiliating that a kiss like this was enough to turn Karkat on, but his astrological sign damned him to not only fall for someone easily, but also for his constellation to be an erogenous zone in itself. It was just one of the many reasons why he pushed people away. And yet…all this hate, all this lust he had for someone under the same sign as him? It did nothing but make him like that bug to the light. 

So he pushed harder, not really sure what it was exactly that made them become closer to the ground, but Karkat found himself almost completely over Kankri as he stared at his tempting eyes, lips, ears, face—everything. Slowly Karkat’s glance followed Kankri’s to his hand, noticing that he must have been looking at how they no longer held the gem. ‘Shit-‘ He was sure that Kankri would go fetch it just as he had before, and Karkat took a breath as he was about to speak, but instead he felt those tender cushions upon him again. 

His eyes became large once more. ‘Is this actually happening?’ Karkat thought, ‘He…was actually the one to mouth me first, fuck what-“ His thoughts became jumbled then into nothing coherent as he returned the action—deeply, even slightly tracing the other’s bottom lip with the top of his tongue. It was somewhat odd; Kankri tasted a lot like himself, or so Karkat felt, but that only intrigued him that much more, and he tried tilting his head a bit in order to get a better taste. 

'I should be devastated', Kankri thought. Nervousness punched him every second as his blush teased his cheeks continuously. His hand slides onto Karkat’s cheek, gentle and calm, as he felt himself echoing the younger troll’s name. It relieved him and caused him to forget about the crystal, the danger they were in, the situation, and… everything.

It was funny to him in a way as well, what happens after this? Maybe a while moment of awkward silence? Who knows. He’s wonder struck at the moment, and it seemed like Karkat was sharing the same awed feeling. He didn’t taste any different from how Kankri expected, and he realized that their closeness had scouted back the warmth he desired so much at the moment. When Karkat pulled away to breathe again, they both wore silly expressions. Kankri’s eyes were open wide while his hair were messed up, his mouth hanging slightly open with shock. ”I…” What, he thought. What am I feeling.

He continued gazing at Karkat as if he was lost in his eyes while the night sparkled behind him.

He always felt so stressed, irritated, angry, and on the edge. The only time that Karkat could say that he was actually happy, or calm, was when he was watching one of his romance movies…or the few times he was able to have close moments with his guardian. But, having himself attached to Kankri like this? It did make him feel slightly put off and questionable, but there was that sort of soothing sensation within him that he so rarely attained.

Without realizing it, Karkat had even leaned his head into that touch on his face, and he mumbled incoherently against him as he heard his name being dropped from his lips like that. Maybe Karkat had attempted to speak his ancestor’s name back, or maybe it had merely been a half wanting moan. He wasn’t quite sure himself, so it was probably a combination of the two. 

At hearing himself like that, he did shuffle back a bit, his cheeks feeling so uncomfortably hot. Slowly Karkat opened his eyes to look at the other, not being sure if he liked the construction that made up Kankri’s face. When he heard the single word uttered then, He sat up a bit, his shoulders stiff. “You…what?” He bit down on his own lip in hesitation as his hand drifted down his chest, over that dirty sweater. All this time it felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes away from him, but at that moment, his gaze wanted to be anywhere but on him. 

He didn’t realize or be aware of the twitchy smile that creeped up on his lips when Karkat leaned back and spoke. It was a tiny smile, light and sincere. As he stared, he realized that he could still make up Karkat’s blank eyes. He remembered the red, the yellow and the hint of black in them, he remembered the hint of stubbornness in them. The thick black that use to outline his eyes were still there, just hidden…

”I… ”, it was said softer that he had anticipated, and after feeling the smile he killed it. The taste was still on his lips, as well as Karkat’s smell. What made caused him to be embarrassed was because he could feel himelf liking it. After reconnecting eye contact with Karkat again, he feebly poked at his hand, a teasing smirk invading his lips now. ”Your hate is one of a kind, you know.” It wasn’t a mock, but just a statement to probably vex Karkat, or make him blush.

On a page, Kankri and Karkat would be the biggest disaster ever, but this was the very first page which Kankri felt like there was a change. How should he react? Or, how should Karkat react? They have to leave soon, however, if they want to speed things up to get out of there, but… would another peck hurt? He shook is head, shifting his legs to get up. They have to find Jack.

The first sort of smile would go unseen by Karkat, as his eyes felt glued to the broken floor. It wasn’t until that hand prodded at his own, that cause for him to look back up at Kankri. He slightly tilted his head, waiting to see what stupid thing would come out of his mouth, but what he heard was actually anything but stupid. 

Karkat understood it within a second, and it did cause for him to do just what Kankri probably wanted. The crimson over his face might as well been wine to an alcoholic, because every time it subsided, it was right back finding him again. Hearing that statement cause for him to instantly shoot his look back at the floor, even lowering his head a bit. So much for being cold in the chilly night, because the heat off his face was doing such a fine job keeping his temperature up. “F..fuck you.” He hissed under his breath, very quietly. 

His whole body felt so catatonic in a sense, but at the sound of Kankri moving, Karkat instantly reached out to grab tightly onto his pant leg. He kept his head turned down, tugging on him without looking even out of the corner of his eye. This tug, however, failed in sustaining, as he just as roughly let go nearly as soon as he had clung on to him. “Tch-” He stood all the way up with his back turned to Kankri, hands clenched at his sides.

The minute he had made this naive movement, it was like he was shoved back down again. Astonished by Karkat’s sudden change in behavior, Kankri couldn’t hold back a frown as he gazed at the younger who eventually stood up and turned his back on Kankri. Ow, you. A direct stab in the face, great. He should have seen that coming, since now he’s practically proven himself to be the biggest idiot ever. Specifically towards Karkat. Who… he doesn’t even want to hurt.

Lost in thoughts for a while there, the sight of Karkat’s clenched fists were the sore cause to have him jump to his feet. His mind was spinning again with negative thoughts and the least he wanted was knowing that he had ruined this moment with that little decision of getting up. It would be too much to handle and it would break the walls the kiss had built to avoid having his sadistic feelings get in the way.

“No, sorry, Karkat wai—” Thud, thud thud. The footsteps rang like buzzers inside his head and he knew they were close to extreme danger. He stepped forward and grabbed Karkat’s hand, dragging him across the room till they were out of it. If Karkat’s intentions were to swear at him, Kankri wouldn’t waste a second to ignore him and concentrate on catching safety. Closing one eye, he peeked through the door knob. He was expecting another grievous conversation with Karkat, but that won’t be happening anytime soon. The foot steps are coming closer and closer, he can feel the presence approaching—-Oh shit! The crystal!

What to do, what to do, his mind is on the bridge of losing it’s sanity. He’s torn between moving his feet to fetch the crystal, and making a direct escape with karkat.

It was almost hard to believe that just a minute ago, he was feeling like silk in contentment because now Karkat felt worse than ever. His whole body felt like it had become iron in a painful confinement. He just stood there, trying to get rid of the unwanted ache, but it wasn’t working. His lower lids to his eyes pushed upwards when he heard Kankri speak. He was about to tell him to wait? As if he could even go anywhere right now if he wanted to. His feet were stuck. 

The footsteps sounded, causing for Karkat to roll his eyes. He didn’t know if he just didn’t care anymore, or if he was tired of being hunted. “Humn…better get that thing.” He mumbled just to himself, it probably going unheard with how softly he spoke it. He sighed heavily, but the breath was caught half way, making him cough as his hand was grabbed. He almost fell over as he was forced to run behind Kankri. 

They then reached another room, and within a second, Karkat coarsely swiped his hand out of the other’s, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Kankri peer through the hole in the door that once held the knob. How he was relating to that damn door suddenly. “Don’t.” It was the only word that came out of himt, as he gave a rough glare at his ancestor, arms still folded. He knew what he was thinking, after all that…after all that word vomit about how important that damn rock was to Kankri. 

He mentally sighed at Karkat’s sudden irate behavior, but didn’t deem it of any significance at the moment. He forgot his own distraught filled thoughts when the footsteps stopped. He was tempted to fetch the gem, and the thought of losing it here would set their whole trial on fire since he’s absolutely sure that their new guests will likely have new-made transportation cards. “You do realize they’re going to catch us anyways because it’s highly possible that they have those transportation cards with them and don’t tell me you still want another round of a useless fight with them.”

Kankri kept peeking through the doorknob but to his surprise, he couldn’t see the gem. There were a few seconds of panic before he finally made out the shape in the dark, and it seemed that the gem was doing a great deal by blending in with the ground. Kankri wasn’t sure if he should consider this good or bad, since the red gem was almost presenting itself as if it were camouflaged. He was aware of the fact that Karkat would be infuriated if he went for the gem, and he was also aware that if he get’s caught, that won’t make things easy. The footsteps were at a halt, so without faltering, he opened the door and stepped out.

Everything could end if he gets caught, but they can still manage to escape if fate is on his side, and what a felicity would it be if it really was. The thought of Jack crossed his mind as he inched closer to the gem, careful not to make any noise, and then he realized he hadn’t told Karkat a single thing about Jack…

The door swings open, followed by a round of snickering. “There he is! That’s sure him,” A voice beams. Kankri freezes, and he just bent down when two men arrived at the door. One of them seemed familiar, probably the childishly daft one who fell unconscious during their last encounter. The new face, were however, different, and definitely more dangerous.

“You killed our captain,” the new comer spat. Kankri shivered. “Don’t worry boy, you’re the first we’re going to hang.”

“Oh, really?” He tried sounding confident, but his voice croaked. Nevertheless, he kept a straight face while his eyes glared up at the tall men. He wasn’t scared, no, he wasn’t… right?

“Ha! Let’s bring this brat down,” the idiotic man, who was standing right next to the stolid looking one, drew out a dagger. It had surprised Kankri when the next thing he knew, the dagger was thrown at him and to the knight’s success, it cut a scratch on Kankri’s arm. The sleeve was ripped as a few drops of candy red blood leaked out, and the expression Kankri wore was mere force to keep him from wincing and revealing weakness. The dumb knight of the two man squad never had any success in frightening or at least impressing Kankri when he lurched forward towards him, but only ended up tripping on the almost invisible crystal on the floor. Kankri’s expression drops as he stares down at the foolish knight. 'I’m distressed n9w', he thought. 'I…'

Now was his chance, despite having another man on his tail, but he took as fate really was on his side. His movements were rapid as he scooped the crystal off the floor and plucked the dagger from the wall, and to his luck he was closer to the door where Karkat was before the smart ass man of the squad could pick a tantrum at him. Opening the door and closing it behind him, Kankri gasped upon seeing Karkat here. “Well, that went well—”

'No, shut up, you’re making this worse,' he thought. They didn’t have time, they have to run now. Kankri puts full pressure and force to keep the door closed as the knight doesn’t hold back on banging his fists against the door while swearing endless curses at the Vantas.

How many times could he get hit with the hammer that said in huge capital letters “STUPID”? Why did Karkat even bother telling Kankri not to go out after that damn thing? Why would he even think he would listen to him? “God damnit-” He whispered sharply under his breath as he saw him leave the room. Somewhere he felt like he should have cursed and uttered more under his breath at that moment, but he felt so put off for some reason…a reason that he didn’t know what, how, or why. It was almost like he felt desensitized, but he knew he wasn’t, because he still had all that rage, hate, sorrow, love, and regret going on in his pan. Yet, there was no external execution of it. 

He heard the commotion outside the door, and he wasn’t going to just stand there like some sort of pansy and watch through the glory hole, sitting there and sucking some dick while the guys on the outside did everything. 

With short breaths, Karkat hastily looked around the room for something he could use as a weapon, and he knew he had to do this quick, because of the talk out there suddenly going to the topic of hanging. At least he still heard Kankri speaking, which told him that they had not snapped his neck yet. 

It was difficult to find something within the room, it appearing like it used to be some sort of high-class block before it was abandoned, so who would have something pointy and dangerous here? He would have to make do. Just as he picked up a tea-chair and started to head for the door, it was then that Kankri came running back in. 

Karkat’s feet skidded against the floor, as he almost ran right into him. He just gave the other a wide unsound glare for a second before silently walking to the door. He slammed the chair down to the side, and then went around to push a night table in front of the entrance. 

Still without uttering a word, Karkat picked the chair up with asperity as he the set it back down. He didn’t even look at his relative as he went over to the window and hit the legs of the chair against it to knock the glass out. The seat met the floor again, and then Karkat stepped on to it climb out the window. It was rather a far down, but with fate being butt-buddies with the Vantas at that moment, there was thankfully a gutter pipe that he could use to aide in getting down safely, and that’s exactly what Karkat did. He assumed Kankri would be smart enough to follow. Why bother telling him to? It felt like something invisible was just keeping his mouth shut.

Kankri kept his gaze lowered to avoid Karkat’s glares and he plants a hand on his own arm to subside the pain he was feeling from the cut, but it’s hard to do so with the man banging against the door like he’s wrestling it. He holds the door nevertheless, just holding the pain in until Karkat brings up the table and to avoid getting crushed by it, he vaults over the table and helps adjust it so the guy won’t be able to get through.

He’s not at all the emotional type, but he can feel himself wanting to break down again like a fucking sadistic masochist. Even if they’re distant again, he can see Karkat’s rage right through him, and he doesn’t even have to put any effort in wanting to feel it. 'You’ve screwed it up, and for once he was accepting you.' Sighing, he followed Karkat’s lead out the window. Gripping onto the side lid of the window, he ducked under to stare down at the ground and he jumped right after Karkat. The younger troll had already met the ground by the time Kankri had landed gracefully on his feet, and looked up to take a quick scan of the area. He wore a rather serious expression, the gem clutched tightly in his hands when he took followed his instincts into turning right. This place felt familiar, and that took him off guard. It was as if he knew where he was going.

His eyes catch a glimpse of white hair from the corner, and with one stride like step, he turns his weight around and twists his direction towards the corner and grabs hold of someone’s collar. Pinning the person rather harshly against the wall, he uses the dagger to point it up against the strangers chin.

“Vantas, I’m seriously offended,” the stranger snickers. Kankri’s eyes pop wide as he loosens his grip, and he felt as if his heart was beating again. He continued staring that the familiar stranger who had the fortune of already bumping into Karkat earlier, and slowly slapped his cheek.

“Jack?” Kankri croaked.

“One and only.”

“Jack.”

Kankri instantly let go of his collar and sort of smiled, while Jack grinned widely and scratched the back of his hair. Neither of them were paying attention to Karkat at the moment, but introduction will come.

“Sweeps of knowing you man, and you suddenly show up? Still the classic rebel, I see,” Jack laughs.

“Oh… gosh, I—-You. All of a sudden, but—how?” Kankri chokes it out, puzzled by the strange meeting. “I knew it was you back then who did the generous offer of saving me and Karkat, but should I be traumatized at this point?”

Jack adjusted himself and stepped forward, glancing towards Karkat before adverting a serious gaze towards Kankri, “Believe me, I’m the one who’s in shock here. What happened to you? You use to be that little runt who the government was taking migraine pills because of. And the last time I saw you, you had saved my life from those city freaks, remember? After that, we got lost and got split, never saw each other again. What happened after that? I thought you were dead… Oh, and speaking of death, why the heck are your eyes blank?”

Kankri froze.

“… Kankri?”

When Kankri got to the ground, Karkat only gave him a short look over. It was then that he noticed the slice on his arm, and for a second his expression softened. He even opened his mouth as he was about to say something, but his jaw shut tightly as his gaze continued to travel south, stopping at the Cancer’s clenched hand around the jewel. He turned his feet then, absently following Kankri’s direction. He didn’t care what way they went, as long as they got out of the area from this building. The question was…where would they go now? Karkat new very well where he /wanted/ to go. He knew for a long time, and he had meant to bring the subject up to Kankri a long while go too…it just so happened, that when the time asked for him to give his input on the matter, it was also the same time when their lips had found one another. Another stupid mistake. 

The fretting in his head was disturbed by sudden bustling, and Karkat stopped his steps, kicking some sand as he spun around to watch the display between Kankri and the annoying little shit from before. 

He rolled his eyes as he listened to their short conversation, placing his hand on his hip as he stood there. Irritation crossed over his expression, his lip arched up a little, his fangs showing a bit as he lightly gritted his teeth as the two of them spoke. He was getting impatient on many levels. 

There was a pause from the two of them then, and as Jack questioned, speaking Kankri’s name, Karkat finally spoke up without much delay at all, “That’s because he is fucking dead, you little butthole.” He pointed to his own eyes then, “And the disease shitter fucking murdered me too—oh, I mean~ only half murdered me, excuse me on that little slip up there.” Karkat threw his hands up then, “Now that we are all so educated on this stunning revelation, can we please have this little verbal make-out session somewhere that isn’t in an alleyway.”

Jack’s gaze twisted to meet Karkat with deathly eyes, which sent a clear message towards the younger troll; 'Who the fuck asked you, kid.' Grabbing Jack’s shoulders, Kankri retrieved the human like boy’s attention and interest back to him. Leaning in a bit to whisper, ”Trust me, at this point, I’m worse than him.”

Jack frowned, clearly not pleased with what was going on. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shifted away from Karkat, pouting at Kankri before asking, ”How did you die?”

”You don’t want to know, I’m being honest.” Kankri sighed.

”And what about this jaggerwasp?”

”Uhm, awkward subject.”

”I—-” Jack sighed, folding his arms and frowning.  
Kankri let out a helpless chuckle until he heard a familiar yell that seemed to be getting closer. His gaze bounced back and forth between Karkat and Jack before speaking again, ”Jack, let’s talk later and get out of here before you join our part.”

”Sounds like a plan,” Jack twitched, and with that, he turned his back against Karkat, flipping him off as he was determined and led Kankri towards a narrow pathway that started in the center of the alley.

When they walked pass a small tunnel type of pathway, Jack took out a bag of salt and drew a straight line in front of the entrance before turning around with another wide grin, ”If you have that crystal in your hand, then that can only mean that you’re up to something stupid, Vantas.”

Kankri rolled his eyes, folding his arms as they entered another damp building, ”You know me well then.” The building was cold, however, but sunlight was shining through the wet glass windows. It must have snowed while Karkat and Kankri were… busy. And it must had also rained a bit, or was it melted snow?

”Make yourself at home for the time being,” Jack said, his voice husky and brave. ”Cold? Let me fetch some blankets I keep up, one minute.” With that, he disappeared.

Kankri let out a breath,leaning against the fall and sliding down while he waited for Jack to return. He didn’t dare make eye contact with Karkat, and that killed him inside.

If there was one thing that Karkat was good at, it was being pissed off. So easily he returned the reaping look right back at Jack. He knew the guy annoyed him from the start when he had first confused him for Kankri, but now he just moved further up the shit-list. 

That reaping look was never removed, either. Karkat continued to watch the others, tapping his foot against the ground impatiently. He thought about how he was just going to ditch the two of them soon if they didn’t hurry their asses up. A part of him felt like he wanted to add some more snide remarks, even spill on how Kankri died, but that hardness in him was just keeping him having an austere disposition. Well…that is, until he received the bird from Jack, to which Karkat instantly returned that favor as well—double fold. 

Then they finally started to travel again, and Karkat took a deep breath. He followed them with much discontent, though he almost stopped at hearing the comment about the crystal. He dropped his mouth open to question Jack, to ask him if he knew what it was, but before he could manage, the squawk was gone. 

He had to admit, he was curious about who this person was, and how Kankri knew him, but Karkat was being all-too stubborn, and he didn’t feel like talking to Kankri still. He didn’t even look at him, so the fact that the other wasn’t looking at him did not even strike him. He just stood against the wall with his arms folded over his chest, seeming to be a definition of mad. 

They waited in silence—-awkward silence. He wasn’t liking this one bit since Karkat didn’t seem like he was going to talk, and he desired to see Jack again as soon as possible. When the thoughts at settled down into their categories in his pan, the cut on his arm found it’s way to subside the thoughts and give Kankri a nice painful sting. He winced upon pressing too hard on the wound by accident, and groaned in frustration.

He felt a thud and his eyes squinted open. Jack strides back to them carrying two blankets and another item. He placed the blankets gently down and stood in front of Kankri with the unrevealed item behind his back.

“Hey Krankri boy, look what I found in store,” Jack snickered as he held up a shirt that instantly caught Kankri’s attention. The shirt was indeed familiar, and his eyes could make up the memories that it carried. Rocketing to his feet, Kankri stared in shocked as Jack handed it over to him. It was the shirt Kankri use to wear, back when he was alive.

“How did you even ma—-” He was cut off my Jack’s laughter. Puzzled, Kankri traced his finger down the shirt until it touched a symbol. The symbol of the “Seer Of Blood”. He was torn between yanking Jack’s ear and asking him how he found this, but knowing his friend, it could have been anywhere, anything and anytime. “I’m out of words, really.”

Jack waved his hands, the genuine smile plastered upon his face as he turned to Karkat. “Hey kid, you cold?” Jack wasn’t the rude type of asshole that lived down the block, so he decided to clear pathways with this peculiar troll while Kankri vanished into a room. “I think we got off on the wrong foot there, I mean, I didn’t mean to stare at you like that. I’m just, yeah, you know, after seeing someone special to me in like… forever, kinda get’s me off the type. But are you both related? You look a lot al—” He was cut off my the creaking sound the door made and Kankri’s voice.

“Yeah, we are related, in a way. Ancestor and Dancestor, you know.” Kankri was wearing the shirt Jake had given him, and he looked cleaner than before while wearing it. The damaged sweater was in his hand as Jack walked up beside him, reaching for the sweater, “You should throw that away since it’s ripped—”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“I want to keep it.”

Jack arched up an eyebrow as he leaned back, staring at Kankri for a while who returned him with the same expression, before breaking a chuckle. Jack was surely the enthusiastic, happy-go-lucky dweep in this building, different from Kankri and Karkat. He picked up the blankets and tossed the blue colored one to Karkat while the red one to Kankri, taking a seat down in the center of the room, between the both Vantas’s.

Glancing at Karkat, Kankri made his way back to his cozy little wall, curling up before he bagan to speak. “It’s so cold, I don’t understand how you survive here.”

Jack snorted, Kankri frowned. The troll took his decent time to explain to Jack about their misery of a situation, and finally got to the most important part.

“Anyways, Jack, there’s something I need to ask you,” he almost whispered, but kept a husky tone to make himself clear.

“What is it?” The usual Jack.

“So, is this gem… does it work with that spell? I mean, can it bring someone back to life?” Kankri’s eyes grew wider now, surely this was one way to prove to Karkat that he’ll keep his promise. But there’s also fear surrounding him because… what if… it’s not real—-

“Damn right, it’s real. Heh,” Jack grinned.


	4. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is just a /little/ upset here...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions and implications of self-harm.

Karkat's head hurt so bad. It hurt in a physical way, but it was worse in an allusive manner. ‘Why am I acting like this…’ There were so many answers to that question, but he couldn’t decide on one. There were also so many answers that told him why he shouldn’t be acting the way he was too. The silence was just so heavy, and Karkat desperately wished he could just be alone right now. One of the dumbest things he could do was to leave them, he knew that. So he would just pretend like there was no one there but him, and try to enjoy that uncomfortable soundless air. 

Hah, what a joke. No matter how hard he tried to make some fantasy in his head where he was in some nice warm place by himself, there was no getting Kankri out of his pan. Even when Karkat actually tried to close his eyes and picture himself in the crisp woods of Alternia, there was still that fuck face in the red sweater lingering aside a tree, killing him with his blank eyes. 

Could he try harder to detach himself? Maybe? Nope, because then rang Jack’s voice. His arms clung tighter within their cross, and he tilted his head a bit to the side to try and hide the fact that he was watching the two of them out of the corner of his eyes. It sort of made him angry that Kankri and him even shared the same symbol for their roles, even though it was expected. Maybe that anger wasn’t from the damn bleeding print though? Maybe it was jealousy? ‘Why the fuck do you feel fucking jealous from him just talking to a friend. You’re so fucked up, you know that?’ An eyebrow twitched as he fell victim to the voice in his mind. 

Then to remain in his childish manner, Karkat even went as far as to turn his head the opposite direction as Kankri passed him, nor would he turn his head back to give his attention to Jack when he spoke to him, though he did respond—barely, “Cold? I’m a lot of fucking things right now.” He was sure to sigh loudly as Jack continued to speak, in order to let him know that he wasn’t too thrilled with his ‘rambling’. 

When the question was proposed about his connection with Kankri, Karkat finally turned his head up, but seemingly only to repeat that glare he had before. He didn’t have time to respond, if he was even going to, before Kankri spoke for them. It was finally then that he shot his leer over to the elder, growling, “I can fucking answer him, you know!” His voice sounding just as snippy as his body language was. It wouldn’t just end there, as Karkat paced twice as the two of them then talked of the crystal, “Humn, yeah? And what else can it fucking do?” He stood between the two of them, “So Jack-off, how do you fucking know it can do what that douche face wants? Rub it right~ bring Karkat fucking Vantas back to life~! Rub it left~ Summon the dark shit lord of shit topia to shit all over you~!” He kicked at the ground, “I am so fucking done with all of this! This seriously is nothing but bull shit! Shit every-fucking-where! Stupid fucking shits that think they are hot shit, when really they are just cold crusted ones, who don’t fucking THINK about anything before they fucking do it. Lets just pretend that we know fucking everything, and that fucking everything is all things good, so lets just fucking act on our fucking urges~! Because surely there won’t be any fucking regret later for our stupidity and ignorance! Oh no~ everything-is-just-fucking-fine!” His words were a bit too fast, and his breathing was a bit too hard. This wasn’t one of his normal rants. 

It seemed that whenever Kankri wished to enjoy some time cuddling with his own warmth, something just takes that as an advantage and he ends up finding himself standing again. Instantly, he felt stabbed at hearing Karkat’s words. He felt as if Karkat had just shot him down a cliff, as if everything he’s done so far meant nothing.

Jack was pissed. His expression said it all. The friendly grin had turned into a dangerous looking smirk, filled with satisfaction and vexation. He’s had it.

“You’re pulling my tail now, little Vantas,” he hisses under his breath, walking closer to Karkat and placing a hand behind his neck to pull him closer till their noses are inches apart. “You better start showing some respect before I start throwing punches.”

It was a matter of minutes before Kankri let out a welp, and that Jack’s pale skin turned crystal blue. “Maybe this sums it up—” and with that, he poured his cold aura into Karkat, making sure it pains the other to feel every inch of that icy touch that will traumatize his body in a matter of minutes. “Just a—-“

He was cut off my a sudden movement; dizzy, Jack found himself on the ground. “Kankri, what the hell man—”

He couldn’t take it, not this, especially not on Karkat. He held his anger in, and clutched onto Karkat’s shoulders. “That prank worked on me but don’t use that prank on him, Jack.”

“But that ignorant little sh—”

“Please.”

“Ugh.”

Kankri was helpless at this point, his expression had turned weak again as his wound ached more and more. He turned his attention back to Karkat, who was probably in shock due the immense power of the pressuring cold Jack carries. Before he could make up the timing that Karkat would shout and complain about Jack’s mischievous act, Kankri took the advantage to speak, “Karkat, I can’t stress this enough, I know this is stupid for you, but bear with me, please? Just this once. I don’t know what else I can do to convince you, but… please. This is just the amount of madness to me as it is to you.” Kankri’s expression was hurt by this point, helpless and dissolved into agony once again. He shot a glance towards Jack, who obediently understood it at that exact moment.

“Alright, I’ll go fetch some equipments,” and with that, he disappeared again.

“And not only that! But you-” Karkat's breath was killed in his throat as his ranting words were cut off when that cold hand grabbed his neck. That icy touch—it was like a slap back to reality. It was then that Karkat had actually realized the way that he had been ranting, and what it was that he was exactly ranting about. This fact afflicted him more than the assault from the boy.”Grr let go!” He croaked under Jack’s grip. 

Lightly but also fiercely, Karkat squirmed, having mind to snap right back at the male about his threat, but a sting of coldness attacked every part of him. It caused for him to directly freeze in more ways than one. His voice was even unable to let out a sound of its ache. 

There was a sudden soft thud that broke the ice as Karkat found himself free of the touch, but that didn’t make the cold instantly leave him. He shivered, and instinctively went to lean, almost snuggle even, against Kankri when his hands found his shoulders. 

Although, the moment he heard Kankri’s voice speak to him, Karkat’s eyes shot wide as he became aware of how he was practically nestled against the elder, and this prompted him to instantly push Kankri away from him—truly push him, or try to for that matter. “Do what you fucking want-” He kicked against the wall, “Because that’s what you have been doing, this whole goddamn fucking time, down from the fucking temple, to what you did on the bridge to me, to what you did in that building to me, and fucking…aug!” He turned his back to stare at the wall with his arms crossed over his chest once more, partly from anger, partly from the coldness he still felt, and partly to try to keep himself from shivering due to it. He didn’t want to give Jack that satisfaction of seeing it when he would get back. 

Kankri’s eyes darted in surprise towards Karkat when he was practically clinging to him, and that only assures his thoughts that Jack wasn’t in a bright mood. The power to control the ice is something dangerous that Jack carries, and if it’s cold, that enables Jack to grant instant deaths and fierce torture methods by using the ice his skin develops. When Kankri had mentioned ‘pranks’, those were just the sand-sized bit of stings that Jack would pinch him with, and later on laugh it off. It wouldn’t even be close to the pain when Jack literally pours his ice into a stolid figure. A pissed off Jack isn’t fun to mess with, and Kankri’s already had experience with that.

When Jack vanishes, Kankri relieves a sigh. It’s best he’s out to cool his head with his own ice to he doesn’t end up turning both Kankri and Karkat into an icicle.

When Karkat so as much shoves Kankri away, his hand slaps against Kankri’s left arm, near the wrist. In an instant, Kankri winces and also releases a stuttering squeak out of pain. While Karkat shivers and turns around, Kankri staggers to keep balance. His expression is pure horror as he feels the slimy candy red liquid crawl down his grey skin and drip to the floor.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

He tilted his left arm and gazed at the naked cuts, open again and bleeding. It comes to his realization that the shirt he’s wearing right now has the sleeves rolls up till his elbow, and Kankri constantly cursed himself for being daft enough to forget the secret that hid itself behind the sleeves of his red sweater. He didn’t even bother glancing up at Karkat, and the only thing that could punch a hole into his senses was shouting at him to hide. He tugged at his curled up sleeve and pulled it down till his wrist. The liquid was still dripping. Where’s Jack, he thought. Once again, Jack had left him in another uncomfortable situation. He decided to imitate Karkat’s action and eagerly turned his back against him as well.

“Okay.”

There was something that pierced him worse than the cold that had just invaded his veins, and that was the noise he heard from Kankri from from his shove. ‘Why are you being such a fucking asshole, you douche?’ Karkat closed his eyes tightly, eyebrows cringing as he tried to get his emotions under control. ‘You can be pissed off at him and act like a spoiled little wiggler later.’ 

He opened his eyes again, his lids feeling so heavy, and he peered at the other through his hair, studying that bleeding wound. It was starting to concern him that it hadn’t ceased by now, and his eyes followed the down flow of the blood, seeing the way it had seeped around Kankri’s arm and…scars? Karkat bit his lip. He knew what type of marks those were within a second. It almost felt like the moment that he had noticed the abrasions, that the other had lowered his sleeve. 

He shifted his feet then, looked at the back of Kankri as the other had mimicked his disposition. He thought for a moment, still in silence. He didn’t peg him for the type to engage in such an activity, but why should he be surprised? He knew how the mind worked, how people acted one way, but were really another—he knew that all too well. And why should it surprise him? For the fact that they were related, almost the same being in a stretched sense. “So how well do you know Jack?” He finally spoke, but said in a calm and stable tone for the first time since a while, “Is this his actual place?” Karkat brought himself behind the taller one, reaching his arms out around him, one going to gently, barely cling around his waist, the other to carefully stroked down and laid upon his arm that had previously been exposed, “Even if you’re a ghost, you can still…get hurt, and we…and you need to take care of yourself…I mean, your wound, because I don’t want to have to deal with it getting infected to add that to all our other problems, right?” He buried his head against his back, mumbling the words against his shirt, his calm tone shifting to something almost sounding depressed, “So…if this is Jack’s hive, where would he keep some shit to help?”

Kankri's eyes were fixated on his cuts. Long, bloody, and painful. His hair was messed up, the smooth horn like shap his bang would make created a cover for his eyes which were nothing but a mass of anguish. His squeezes his eyes shut and clutches his hands, causing more liquid to drool down when he felt Karkat’s warm touch once again… Once hearing Karkat switch subjects, he felt as if his heart was slapped. How could he promise someone he killed that everything was going to be alright? He deserved a beat up, or at least a slap. But Karkat didn’t pick any…

He leaned back a bit when Karkat’s hand crawled it’s way near his damaged wrist. His eyes softened, mouth dropped a bit as he felt a rush of fatigue alarm him and it slowly came to realization that he felt somewhat safe near Karkat, especially his light embrace, which he could feel the younger troll sincere gifted to him. He didn’t answer Karkat right away due to his voice being dry and it took him some effort to pick up his courage again. Nevertheless, Kankri was still shy and frightened by the fact that Karkat now knew about /this/.

”Yeah, he lives here, I think. I’m not sure, but there’s no use in finding medication kits anyways, I carry no concern about these wounds.” His expression was unamused since he figured it would take a while for Jack to equip all the supplies they needed t activate this spell Jack had mentioned. It wouldn’t be hard to believe that Jack knew this, since the dude was a magician himself. His eyes met the sound of the creaking door to the left, and he had attempted to pull himself out of Karkat’s grip to take a step inside that room along but the warmth was holding him back, causing him to rock a few times on his heels. 

As the seconds ticked by, the invisible hand of the clock was pushing Karkat further to Kankri. He found himself pressed right up against him, not quite remembering bringing himself as close as he did. It was okay though, because he didn’t feel the need or the want to move himself back again. “Heh.” He let out a forced laugh as there was certainess and then uncertainness for an answer to his question about this being Jack’s residence or not. That’s all there seemed to be anymore with everything. Yes, the only thing that was certain, was that everything was uncertain. 

That fake laugh just became in awkward sound due to a real groan from Karkat as Kankri spoke the bit about his wounds. “Is this going to be my turn now?” He still rested his head against his back, his touch never leaving him, “You keep having all these great turns in this dumb board game, well I want one now. I want it to be my turn to completely disregard what you want, and do what I want, no matter how many times you protest. So I don’t fucking care if you have no concern about your wounds, because I do, and I won’t let you get hurt anymore, because I—” but the noise the door took over his voice, and the shifting of Kankri’s feet lowered his hands back to his sides, feeling as if that movement meant that he was probably…triggered and wanted out of this stupid embrace. 

His eyes remained half lidded as he felt his thoughts fall futile to the currently situation. He was so lost in Karkat’s embrace once it tightened, and for a moment he felt as if after all these sweeps, he would actually fall asleep again. Not because it had reached such a limit for a dead body that it became necessary, but because he wanted to. He imaged himself feeling the same warmth Karkat would have felt while he was asleep.

At the sound of Karkat’s voice, Kankri woke up from his lost dreaming. He carefully listened to everything the younger troll had to say. And by the end of it… he frowned. Was he being that selfish? He dragged Karkat into this death pool, and he’s being douchey enough to ask Karkat to listen to him, and… that leaves Karkat no right of his own.

“Fin—,” before he could continue, he felt Karkat’s arms discharge from him, and instantly his lips fell into a frown. Kankri planted his free hand onto his damaged arm, and he dragged himself away from Karkat. Again, that shot of hope seized inside of him. He felt too feeble and weak to turn around to meet Karkat’s gaze. He felt too pathetic.

“I apologize for my selfish behavior towards you, feel free to make your own choices from now on. B-But… expect me to save you if it’s something stupid.”

It was stupid and embarrassing to say, even childish for someone his age, but he meant it. From the heart. Even if it’s long dead, he damn right meant it. He glances towards the troll behind him, probably just enough to have his lips revealed, and there’s a weak smile pasted upon his lips. Kankri doesn’t hesitate to take a few steps forward before he reaches the door and shuts it behind him, leaning back against it the second he closed it. Walking closer to the window, he adjusted himself and took in a deep breath.

***

Meanwhile, Jack pops in behind Karkat. He smiles brightly while the equipments are neatly organized in his arms, “‘Sup ya’ll, I’m b—”

For a minute, he wears a dumbfounded expression as he finds himself staring at Karkat. He squints, turning his gaze to examine the room for the other Vantas before, “Where’s Krankri?” and just then, “Oh.”

Jack bends down gracefully to place the supplies on the ground as a frown wears upon his face. He’s staring at the blood, staring with keen eyes, and he’s certainly not pleased. His knuckles turn white from how strongly he was clutching his fists, “He’s changed so much… it actually hurts, heh.”

When Kankri stepped away from him, the depth of misery scolded his face. Karkat lifted his hand up half way, wanting to pull him back, but his voice and body felt trapped. And the net? It was that words that Kankri had spoken about how he would save him. It was another thing to add to to the list of happenings that bothered him, but without explanation as to why. He was sure he could find an answer if he so-wanted to think about it, but it was as if his pan was not allowing that. Maybe it was that guilt that Kankri had still for practically killing him, and the fact that he…had still not accepted that apology. Or, it could have been something more that caused for Karkat to feel like he was standing on a tilted floor, while Kankri was on a straight one across from him. And, his floor kept the other out of reach of him. It was so funny, before he would have wanted to push Kankri as far away as he could, and here was now…why did he have to be so prone to mood swings?

Speaking of moods then, his nature turned sour within a flick as Jack came back into the room. Karkat turned around and gave him a narrow look, before putting that same acid glance to the items that were brought in. 

He was quiet as he stood there while Jack set the objects in order. At this point, Karkat couldn’t give two shits about them, nor three. His hand clutched lightly at his sides, as he held his head in such a way that caused for the shadow of his hair to conceal his face, “Just shut the fuck up…” He said the words slowly, sadly. “Can we play with these turds later…right now, we need to get cleaned up and sleep, especially Kan— my ancestor.” It wasn’t a question, but a demand, and hell would be had if Jack disobeyed, “Where is your ablution room?” He said as he turned his back and walked to the door that Kankri had just entered, his hand on the knob. 

Kankri continued staring out the window without making contact with it. He could feel the sun falling again, and he was surprised to know that the day had already passed that quick? He continued practically gazing out nevertheless. The heat from the sun stung the cuts on his arms, but at that moment he didn’t care at all.

***

“Take those stairs and you’ll find a store. Aid’s in there.” Jack eagerly returned the same expression when Karkat spoke, and his eyes contained fury. He didn’t hesitate to vanish into thin air, only to appear right in front of the door to block Karkat’s way from entering the room. When he moved Karkat’s hand away from the door knob, it looked as if it was taking him effort from not completely crushing Karkat’s hand. “I’ll handle this, since obviously you don’t give two shits about what your ancestor is trying to do for you,” with that, Jack entered the damp room and shut the door in the younger trolls face in one rapid movement.

At the click of the door, Kankri’s eyes darted, as well as his whole body shifting to meet the familiar figure. Jack looked worn out, as well as unhappy. His voice was hard, stiff, and almost unfriendly, “You’re hurt?”

“Nothing big,” Kankri responded rather calmly.

“You’re bleeding.”

“I know.”

“Kankri…” Jack leaned against the door, in case Karkat decides to bust in. He gazes into Kankri’s eyes filled with despair and confusion. “What happened to you? You use to laugh, and smile… and you know, just wh—”

“I’m fine, just tired.” Kankri groaned, knowing he wasn’t at all sounding reassuring. He walked over and sat down beside his friend, both sharing the same frown. The silence was painful, because neither one of them could read the other. It was almost frustrating for Jack, and the white of his tight knuckles never faded. Kankri was let along exhaustion, looking as if he’ll fall into concussion any moment.

“I’ve told him where the medication kits are, he’s probably fetching them right now. Let’s talk meanwhile. Why are you so determined to save that ignorant brat?” The white haired being was the first to break the silence. He just couldn’t take it.

Kankri heaved a sigh, sadly chuckling afterwards, “I just don’t think I can let him get hurt, we’re related, and I feel as if he’s my responsibility. I got him in this trouble anyways.”

“But how can you tolerate that behavior? He’s so cynical, I hate it.” he hissed under his breath, eyes turned to Kankri.

“I know, he is.”

“Then why—”

“He means something special to me, I guess. I don’t want him to end up being a scar on my arm,” Kankri lifted his arm, revealing all the cuts to prove his point. The sight of it had actually managed to convert Jack’s thick expression into a softened one, filled with concern and worry for the deceased troll. “I’m dead anyways, not like my presence matters much—”

“I’m going to shove my ice down your throat if you talk negative like that, dork.”

Kankri chuckled again, wincing in pain afterwards. The albino released a suspire before talking again, “You know, back in time when we first met, people use to talk about you. Not only me, or my friends, but the guardians and knights as well.”

This sparked Kankri’s attention, and he tilted his head to side eye Jack. “Go on.”

”They talked about this problem you had, and I’m not sure about others, but I sure as damn well agree upon it.”

“I don’t have any problem, Jack,” Kankri’s voice was almost inaudible, as if he didn’t desire Karkat to hear what they were saying.

“Sure you do,” Jack raised his voice a bit, wondering if Karkat might be listening. “Too much heart as always been your problem, Krankri boy.”

So it seemed once again that both Karkat and Jack had a face off of shooting daggers from their eyes. It did NOT go over well at all with Karkat when Jack had placed himself between him and door, having his hand no longer on the knob. Instantly Karkat pressed his brow forward, so that it looked like his his eyebrows were right at the top of his eyes. “Fuck you!” He growled, showing his teeth, but just like that, Jack was gone and the door’s slamming noise was a laugh at him. “Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou.” He growled under his breath with clenched hands. He felt like he could have killed something at that moment. 

Karkat stormed off, pounding each footstep against every stair as he traveled upwards. He found the storage room, and he took deep breaths that were not silent at all. “That…mother fucker…that little…fucking ass wipe prick! Who the fuck does he think he is—I—” He still growled with his balled up hands. Then he couldn’t take it anymore, “NO! I’m the one that is suppose to be with him right now!” He swiped his hand over a shelf, violently knocking everything off of it out of a side effect of his rage…and more so, his jealousy, “Fuck him!” He bent down and quickly grabbed the first-aide kit, tucking it under his arm. 

‘Wow Karkat, you are really…really…getting fucked up, you know that? What ever happened to just wanting your friends to be happy, even if it didn’t involve you? Well Kankri is not my fucking friend! Then what is he? Shut up!’ His mind raced a million thoughts, but it was his unexplained fury and new-found possessiveness that was keeping any of those thoughts from actually becoming settled. 

When he had reached the bottom of the stairs then, Karkat was sure to hear the last comment through the door, and it caused for his eye to twitch a bit….that is, the last two words he heard. He kicked the door open; violently kicked it, “Stop calling him that retarded pet name already!” He yelled as he took a wide step in, though at the sight of the two of them sitting next to each other, and noticing the way that Kankri had his sleeve rolled up as if showing Jack, Karkat felt the flame in him turn into a roaring fire. He didn’t like the idea that Kankri was just showing his secret, opening up, and letting Jack ‘in’ to such a thing ‘so easily’, and that it was not him. 

He once again picked up his steps, fiercely walking over to where they were seated. He reached down with his free hand, firmly grabbing at Kankri’s hand to outright try and pull him up and away from Jack, “Come on-“

Kankri felt cold after hearing that from Jack, his heart sinking deep into it’s core while his skin turned slightly white out of disbelief. He wasn’t offended, he was terrified. Because he knew Jack was telling them the truth. A pre-scratch wouldn’t be kind enough to actually risk their last lives for their duplexes, as far as Kankri knows. ”I—” before he could respond, the door slammed open and Karkat’s voice rang hysterically in his head. He was shocked, likewise to Jack. Their eyes swung to fixate themselves on Karkat’s displeased face as Jack rocketed to his feet. He glowered and glared, and once Kankri’s hand was taken away and presence was pulled apart from the albino, he decisively took Kankri’s other hand. ”You’re being a nuisance to him, let him go. You know nothing about him.” Jack was picking a challenge.

Kankri, meanwhile, was torn between them. His gaze bounced back and forth between them in worry and hesitation. He felt his lip shake, his body turn stolid again as rage took over. In a rapid movement, he yanked his hand away from Karkat’s grip and Jack’s. He clutched his fists into a tight ball and gritted his teeth before yelling at them both, ”You both are driving me INSANE! I’ve had it, I’m on the brink of giving up and slaughtering myself! Just, shut up both of you! I’m trying to get you both out of this mess, could you at least shut the hell up and act like mature people rather than petty little kids!? I…” his voice dropped once he was done scolding them, his expression softening before his voice turned sad and timid. ”Just, leave me alone.”

He walked forward, making a shivering contact with Karkat’s skin to take the medication kit away from him, and eventually, exit the room. He left them both in that room, not giving a single fuck if they ended up killing each other. He climbed up the stairs and stopped midway, settling himself down before opening the aid kit. His nose wrinkled, he sniffled. No one’s really there to take care of him, is there? He rid a broken sigh, and stopped moving his hands, gradually allowing the blood to drip down. The world was black and white to him, again. The colors had vanished, and then he realized he desired Karkat’s warmth more than anything. 'I was hoping to replace that idiot’s pain, I just wished to glue him back, he thought out loud.' He rubbed at his eye.

Too late to stop that tear.

As he had his hand, Karkat placed a rather tight grip on it. If he had his way, the two of them would be leaving this…thing’s hive right now, despite Jack being Kankri’s friend and them having some magical shit here. Karkat’s jealousy was getting the better….or worse of him. “OH HA HA, do you really think I don’t know anything about the fuckwad? I’m just soooo fucking sorry for being a nuisance!” The troll instantly snapped back to Jack, losing it even more as he took Kankri’s other hand, “Does my existence bother you? Does it make you wave your dick around during the day, but really sob at night? Well this nuisance is going to sneak in your room and bottle your fucking tears so I can drink them, then I will-” Kankri voice took over theirs. 

Karkat blinked once and looked at him, his eyes losing their anger. As Kankri went on, Karkat softly dropped his hand and even took a single step back. His mouth was locked tightly, and then he finally stared at the floor once the other had left the room. 

He turned his head down as he felt a smile cross his face: A smile that he wanted to hide from Jack. “You know…” He turned his head back up then, looking at the other male, though there was no trace of a grin at all. In fact, Karkat had made sure to put on his best hurt, sad, and concern face he could manage, “I think you’re right…You have known him longer than me, I presume. I think…you should go take care of him again.” He shrugged his shoulders up, “It’s for his own good, right? He needs someone right now. I really hate…hate…admitting it, but maybe you were right. He didn’t leave the room and get upset until I came in. You are…ah, I hate saying this so fucking much…you are the one that is suitable to help him…and I think it’s important, crucial, that you go to him now.” And with those words, he turned around, the twisted smirk instantly coming back on his face as he walked out of the room, “I will just get some air…” He made his voice still sound upset. 

He left the room, not even looking at the stairs, as he took hasty steps to get to the exit of the home. Softly he opened the door, and just as softly closing it behind him as he sat down outside. “Heh…so you really think that I know ‘nothing’ about him…about myself~” The two of them were so much alike, in so many ways, they were connected if they liked it or not. Because of that, Karkat knew very well, by what Kankri had said, and by the way he had said it, that he really DID need to be left alone, even if it was for just five minutes…because that’s how he was himself. When he got to a certain point, he would not be joking about wanting to be left alone…and he had used that knowledge to a manipulative advantage. 

Karkat knew what he had just done, setting Jack up to go to Kankri when it was seriously necessary to give him some space, was very cutthroat, because he knew it would possibly put Jack on Kankri’s negative side. 

Jack was devasted, and he had even attempted to follow Kankri out of the room in panic. He stepped to a halt when Karkat spoke, growling under his breath while narrowing his eyes at the younger troll. The blue in his eyes flickered as he was surely furious with Karkat, skeptical upon hearing his words. Jack practically grunted when Karkat stepped out of the room, taking his words into consideration carefully before taking his leave as well. The minute he stepped out, the younger Vantas was gone.

***

Kankri was pissed. Highly. The moment he had seen Karkat’s shadow walk pass, he was infuriated enough to through the medications away when the door closed. His ears were sharp and open, waiting for the crash. Waiting for his anger to collide with the earth, but… silence? He hastily looked up to meet Jack, who had caught the items just in time.

***

Just minutes had passed before Jack and Kankri were arguing like a teenage couple. On one hand, Jack was trying to calm the other down, trying to sooth him into sanity again… but the other hand didn’t play the same game. Kankri was yelling. He had cursed Karkat, cursed Jack, cursed even himself. Jack was silent, obviously hurt from what he was hearing. Every word Kankri spoke caused Jack to take another step away and he started to question who he was looking at.

”I’m just so done with counting on people! He hasn’t even forgiven me yet!” It was more of a wail rather than a scream. Kankri was losing it.

”Kankri, I….” Puzzled, Jack realized he had lost his voice. His jolly mischief defeated by Kankri’s rage. In a flash, he felt Kankri’s hands behind his back and when he felt the pressure, he started skidding on the heels of his feet. Kankri was literally pushing him out of the building.

”Get the rest of the stupid supplies and get this ritual show down over with if you respect me that much,” Kankri didn’t stop, “Now.” He pushed Jack out of the door that Karkat had exited, and Jack’s expression was left in utter dejection. He gulped, nodded, and disappeared.

Kankri side eyed, only to find Karkat there. His lips hesitantly folding into a sorrowful frown, and with out another word, he turned on his heels, kicked the curb out of frustration and re-entered the house, back up to the stairs. He rested his elbows on his knees, face in hands before discharging a long weary groan. To his shame, he felt guilty for his action as the rush of sympathy took over him.

He had to admit, he didn’t feel too good about causing Kankri more stress at the expense of getting Jack out of the picture. The words he heard so much found his head again, ‘I hate myself, and I’m a selfish piece of shit.’ Karkat closed his eyes, in being disappointed at himself. Then there was still that other voice in his head that told him he shouldn’t really care about any of this at all still. “Mnnhrg.” He groaned and rubbed his hands through his hair, wishing that his thoughts would just shut up for a damn second. 

Then the door came flinging open, followed by Jack practically tripping out of it. Karkat tried his best not to watch the scene, but it was just too tempting, and just way too good. He summoned his will power, and kept his head turned away, but his eyes weren’t shy about observing this. 

Karkat placed his chin in his hand, allowing his fingers to cover a grin. It barely lasted, however. His body became tense as he felt Kankri’s look find him. This was when Karkat diverted his stare, so the sudden bang from the side being kicked caught him off-guard, and he jumped slightly. 

Then it was quiet again, and Karkat sat back, letting out a long exhale. He counted the minutes in his head, knowing himself all too well, and the amount of time he would need to bring himself back down to a level where he would tolerate people again, even if it was only a little. 

So after a moment, Karkat stood up and walked back into the place. He stood still for about another minute as he just looked at Kankri on the stairs. Without saying a word still, he walked to him, going up a few of the steps. He sat down on one above Kankri’s. 

He grabbed the first-aide kit and opened it. He studied the items inside of it, not really too familiar with everything, but it wasn’t like it was the most complex secret in the universe that only the best mind could decode, either. He took a sanitary wipe from its wrapper, holding it with one hand as his other hand went to carefully roll up Kankri’s sleeve.

Kankri was back into his pool of thoughts, trying to find his way out. There was Jack, the gem, Karkat, and…. everything. He couldn’t take the stress off and because of that, despite being dead, and to his surprise, his head ached. It ached so much. That slight pain had caused him to think about so much more, that… the pain became inevitable. He remembered when he’d throw tantrums about feeling lonely and how nobody listens to him, he’d end up trembling due to the sting in his head, and Porrim would warmly pull him into an embrace and kiss his temple to calm him down. And how when he would be sad, Latula would pop out of no where to cheer him up by toppling over her board or preforming silly actions. 'Why am I wanting to be there for him, when he’s never been there for me….'

He hadn’t heard Karkat step in, neither had he felt his presence up upon the stairs, right behind him. It was the touch that startled him, and the next thing he knew, his gaze was pinned against Karkat’s. He noticed that Karkat was more gentle than before, calmer in fact. Maybe he had cooled down after all this? And he’s being generous enough to aid Kankri’s fresh cuts. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s seriously pissed at both, the albino, and the younger Vantas. He twists his gaze away, trying hard not to wince upon feeling the pain in his body, especially the area where the blood infects. He extends his arm to make it easier for Karkat, not saying a word while his other hand supports his hanging head and broken expression.

His fingers slowly danced over the cuff the sleeve, feeling hesitant. He wasn’t sure if Kankri would allow him to lift it, knowing the scars that were upon him, because Karkat knew himself that he—

There wasn’t a resistance though, and so he continued. Kankri even placed his arm out first for him to work with. His touch was light, almost ghosting, but the swiping over the wounded arm was also sloppy at the same time, because he wasn’t watching what he was doing at all. Instead his sight was fixated right back on Kankri’s eyes staring at him. 

He had probably stroked the cloth over the area more times than he needed, as he lost track of what he was actually doing, as those winter snow eyes acted like a trap for him. He was a stupid animal that fell for the same damn trap over and over, despite knowing that it was dangerous. 

As Karkat’s thoughts yelled at him again about this and other things he didn’t even want to acknowledge, he forced himself to speak after several long minutes, “This is only to try and sterilize that stupid cut…you know. It’s been bleeding for a day now…and we should,” He tried hard to pull his look away from him, but it was like a magnet that no one knew how it worked, “…probably clean ourselves up completely, fuck, I mean separately of course. I fucking reek…ahah…hah…and Jack has to have an ablution trap here, right?”

Tearing his gaze away from Karkat was surprisingly harder than he anticipated. He regretted it, but he didn’t want to turn back now either. The wound only ended up paining him even more due to Karkat’s clumsy attempts to aid it, but it didn’t matter to him. When Karkat spoke, his ears barely even managed to catch what the younger troll had stammered out. He was again lost in thoughts, his eyes dropping while he let out many agonizing groans, but since his sympathy had flopped down on half of his mind right now, he couldn’t help but look up at Karkat. He hadn’t heard a single thing the other male had said, and that only made his voice sound more tense and bitter, ”Hm?”

That seemed to be the only thing his throat could function to hum out. It was a quiet, distraught little noise, but the eye contact was completely different from it. Quite familiar, to both of them. The gaze was no different from how is was the last time they looked at each other like this, which was back at that other broken down building. A light color of pink seized upon Kankri’s cheek as he arched up an eyebrow, carefully examining Karkat’s expression.

No, No, don’t do this again, No….This isn’t the time.

Kankri’s right hand slipped up to rub at his own cheek to get rid of the faint blush, and he wore a rather sad frown while he was at it.

The tracing he made over Kankri’s arm with the sheet was already lethargic, but it became even slower and then to a complete halt as Karkat just continued to look at the other. Not once did his eyes take notice of the stained cloth he held, or how he had just ended up smearing the blood more on his arm. What Karkat did notice though, was the way that Kankri seemed to be having a hard time watching him and keeping his eyes adverted for too long. Then when his gaze finally did settle on him again, it was a repeat of that exact gaze he was given back at the other building from a day ago. 

Karkat swallowed tightly at the appearance of that light red color that found Kankri’s cheeks. Even with the way the other Cancer was trying to rid of it by brushing at his face, Karkat’s eyes fell to a side with an almost defeated look, “…Don’t look at me like that…” He mumbled and then sighed, finally dropping the sterilizing cloth. “Come on…” He slowly, carefully, looked back to Kankri, “Didn’t you hear a word I said? Because if you’re not going to invite yourself to use Jack’s ablution room, then I will.” He sighed as he picked the bandage out of the kit, “Then you should wrap your arm, but you don’t want to fucking trap your skank under this bandage over the cut.” He dropped the roll in Kankri’s lap, trying his best to be steadfast so that he didn’t fall victim to his own unwanted desires. 

He didn’t look at him anymore then as he stood and ascended up the stairs. He really didn’t know the layout of Jack’s hive, but he could only use common sense to try and navigate where he could go get cleaned up at. “Goddamnit…” He whispered the single curse under his breath when the older was out of his sight…the single word that meant so many things at that moment…

“Don’t look at you like what?” He squinted, not wanting to admit that he knows what Karkat was talking about. He wasn’t going to get up, that’s for sure. At least, that’s what he planned. He tore his gaze away from Karkat, not wanting him to get any more glimpses of his face, but it didn’t matter anyways since he got up. For a moment, Kankri actually felt the tempting urge to reach out and grab Karkat’s hand, but just has he had extended it, the boy had increased the distance between them.

“You do realize it’s raining now? I’ll be fine using the water.” He didn’t feel like moving, rather that matter, he felt like fainting. He feebly took out a another clean cloth, thinner than the one he used before and tossing it down to the last step of the stairs. Forcing himself up on his feet again, and winced before capturing his balance. Kankri’s head was spinning, and not just because Karkat wouldn’t shut the fuck up right now. He made his way past the younger troll, and he could have sworn that he had heard him curse. Clutching the roll in his hand, Kankri stepped in front of the window and pulled the lid up, peering his head out to examine the area. He wrinkled his nose when a few drops collided against his face, and he instantly perked away. “Why are you suddenly concerned about me? That’s the least I expect from anyone.” This question had been bothering him for quite a while now. And he just wanted the anxiety off his shoulders. He understood Jack’s reason for the loyalty he provided, but he just couldn’t understand Karkat’s. He had done so much wrong to him in just one single day.

The clattering of the rain was quite relaxing once in connection with the ear. Clicking his eyes, he rolled up his sleeve to stare at his cuts in disgust before lightly leaning against the window on his stomach while his hand stuck out. He rested his head against his palm as the water cleansed his arm from the blood, watching as the colors mixed together. It was like watching the black and white of his life join together. He was rather bored now since the thoughts had subsided, and he was getting ready to use the roll to wrap his arm.

“Come here.”

For some reason, it got Karkat a bit angry when Kankri played ignorant, but he was quick to brush it off and excuse his irritable feeling at the statement as just normal annoyance from being stuck here. Karkat cleared his throat softly then at the comment about it raining. 

He stopped in the hallway, placing a hand on his hip as Kankri brought himself to the second level as well. “You’re gross.” He muttered under his breath in reference on how he said he would just use the water from the rain to do a job that should have required soap. Maybe Karkat would have went on about this more, but he felt like there was suddenly a cage that was thrown over him, and it took the form of the question as to why he was concerned about his ancestor. 

He parted his lips, but no words came out. The light clap of the drops of rain sounded so loud to him at that moment. Slowly and stiffly he closed his mouth again, glancing off to the side at a random crack in the wall, the light scarlet affliction now being the one to curse his cheeks. It was such a horrible air-born, easily spreadable disease “…” 

Karkat tried to quickly muse over an answer, but his multiple choice test going on his head was ripped up by the sound of Kankri’s voice again as he was called over. With a blink, he looked back to him and let out an exhale before joining him at the window. He gave a narrow look off to the side again as he silently held out his hand, expecting that he was to help wrap his infliction. 

He continued gazing at the dancing rain, which was quite a rare sight since it didn’t happen often in Alternia. ”You’ve got a better idea?” He ignored it, forgetting what Karkat had said and instead concentrated on their presence, and distance which decreased. Kankri glowered with a vexed expression when Karkat didn’t respond to him. 

His eyes darted towards Karkat’s hand, and he stared at it for minutes with a puzzled expression. He wasn’t giving his arm away, no, that’s enough revealing of humiliation for one day. ”…….”

”Answer me, will you? It’s killing me all over again.” He didn’t dare look at Karkat, nor at his wounds, nor at the rain. He closed his eyes, just keeping his head out to have his skin feel the cold wind so he’s able to rid the headache. Kankri had closed himself, discharged his body, and the only thing he paid attention to was the rain and Karkat’s voice. He waited patiently for an answer, if he was getting one. To him, Karkat’s voice was like the thunder in the rain. He could easily pick it up and block other unnecessary sounds. He just wanted an answer. Then it hits him again, that the younger male still hasn’t forgiven him yet, and the thought was like a slap right across the face.

Kankri sighed and leaned back, a hand shoved in the pocket of his shirt while he lowered his gaze. His damaged arm was hanging still… he wasn’t looking for aid, he was looking for answers. ”Nevermind, we should… go and wait for Jack or something,” and with that, he retreated back to the staircase. He bent down to pick up the roll he had tossed to the first base of the stairs and began wrapping it around his cuts.

Only the air touched his hand, nothing else. The only thing was, was that the air that found his palm was even colder than that bitter frozen pill that Jack had shoved inside of him an hour ago. Kankri’s words…Karkat’s slowly shifted a leer through half fallen lids to him. “I—” He bit the inside of his cheek, hesitating. He had thought that damn test in his pan was thrown away, but there it was again. ‘Is it so hard to tell him the truth? Yes, because I don’t know what it is. It’s not your fault he’s being a bitch. Is it? You’re being an even bigger bitch!” Karkat shut his eyes tightly, eyebrows twitching as he yelled at himself to shut up in his pan once again. 

“Fine! Fucking fine! I just-” But it was too late then. He stood at the window alone, Kankri’s last few words only an echo. It pierced his ears painfully. He growled and took wide steps to the top of the stairs where he stared down at the other while he bandaged himself up, “Oh no, you’re not just changing your mind like that on me! You fucking tortured me with that inquiry, and do think I’m just going to let that cramp be for nothing? And I know, believe me how I-do-fucking-know, you’re just going to continue to brute until you find out.” He put on a smile, but it was completely acted, “And you are sure going to be disappointed at the answer, ahah…hah…” The grin was gone just as fast as it was made, “Because…it’s not any sort of answer like, that I actually do care about you, or that I know the pain and torment that you have now, because I also share some pathetic self-inflicted embedded marks, or maybe something even stupider like…”

There was a Small pause, as if a gloomy mask demanded to interrupt his words for a second in time before it would let him continue, “or like that I have fallen for you? Ahaha yeah-fucking-right! The answer is so obvious and simple! You should have never even had to have asked to begin with. The truth is just that I can’t let go of this sort of…um…responsibility I always feel to be a leader, and…it’s just instinct that I fall in to it, to be concerned for someone if they are…fucking bleeding, you know? Even if I…hate them.” He exhaled a deep breath and turned his glossing eyes away, “That’s it. That’s all it is.”

Each word was like a stab in Kankri’s heart. Should he have expected this? Or not. What? Karkat’s feelings shouldn’t mean anything to him, but why did he feel like he was upset, disappointed, angry and hurt? It didn’t make sense as his whole body tensed up. He clenched his fists, eyes opened in wide shock as Karkat weakly yelled at him. Alright, he thought He could accept the hate, he always did anyways. He scolded himself for having his expectations up to high, and now they just came rocketing down. ”Right, you are the leader infact. I shouldn’t cross your concern much either.” 

He smiled, with just the hint of satisfaction and a dash of disappointment. ”I’m not asking you to apologize to me Karkat. Heck, you haven’t even accepted my apology yet. I’m just waiting on a different page, but you know, maybe I was mistaken… For handing you a heart worth breaking. And it must be a nightmare to be with me, I understand that. So bad that it killed you….”

He nodded, standing straight to face Karkat. His emotions vanished momentarily. The younger troll could fake and smile, but Kankri’s one who can read past that. He’s speaking now, whether it’s from the heart or mind, ”Heh.” His eyes rolled to the side while his eyes scrolled down half way. He smirked, a careless shrug afterwards. ”And this is exactly how you remind me of who I really am. I will always care for the people precious to me, and I will protect my friends,” And with that, he turned his back against Karkat, ”That means you, asshole.”

Then there was a thudding sound on the porch—Jack had returned just in time.

It almost hurt, hell, it did hurt, the way his heart was pounding so hard against his chest. With each second that ticked by, the crimson color over his cheeks deepened, turning from a pink to a blood red…but not just any blood red, a blood red that had been spilling out of someone who was forced to live a thousand gruesome deaths over and over. 

Karkat knew very well every word that had just slipped his lips. He had actually chosen each one ever so carefully, as hard as they were to get out, and it was for that reson that he couldn’t keep himself at a decent temperature. He had just admitted the complete truth to Kankri, but laced so diligently in a poisoned wrapper that was a lie. He had said the lie was the truth, while the truth was the lie. ‘Why do you have to be like that?’ Karkat winced at himself, not daring to turn his look back to the other. Would he know of this axiom? He couldn’t gauge Kankri’s words to answer this question either. 

Even as he faced him, Karkat did not turn his eyes back to him. In fact he only curved his head away then too, his hands clutching onto his pants as his lack of forgiveness was brought up, ‘Why can’t you just do it?’ The only thing…the only word that was clear to Karkat then, was how he was called an asshole. 

This instantly caused for him to shoot his full attention to Kankri, giving him more than a wide look. Everyone knew it took a lot to get the older Vantas to drop any sort of “foul language” that wasn't under his breath. By this time though, Kankri was already turned away from him. “Goddamnit, but you know that—” the noise from the outside stopped him from speaking. “Nhrr” He half growled and half groaned in his throat. “Hmph!” He turned in a way that an upset…teenager would with all their angst. Instead of going down the stairs though, he just went right back up the couple steps he had just taken. 

There were only three doors that lined the hallway, and he yanked the first one open. Good, it seemed to be Jack’s sleeping quarters, and just like that same angst-filled teenager, he slammed the door closed and threw himself down on the pad-thing called a bed. 

Kankri smiled even more satisfied when Karkat stomped his way upstairs and smacked the door shut. That was the exact response he was wanting from Karkat, because the younger troll had revealed more than he was planning to.


End file.
